'Tween 12 and 20 by Dr. Robert Wallace

DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and have a full-time job, but I still live at home with my mother. I pay her room and board because she doesn't have an abundance of cash, so the money I give her helps pay the bills. Two years ago, I was dating a guy I cared for, but for some reason my mother didn't like him. When I look back on it, the reason was his shaggy dog appearance. He had extra-long hair and a shaggy beard. He also wore jeans, cowboy boots and a scroungy leather jacket. Instead of a hat, he wore a red kerchief tied around his forehead. Randy left town because of a run-in with the police, and they told him that if he left town (He was 21.) they wouldn't press charges. He did. He went to South Carolina to live with his brother.

Last week, Randy came by my work, and I almost died when I saw him. His hair was a lot shorter than it once was. Gone was the hair on his face and his cowboy clothes. He wore a nice shirt and neat slacks. He took me to lunch, and we also went out that evening. I've been out with him three times since he's been back home and yes, the spark is still there.

Of course, my mother is not aware that I'm seeing Randy again. Since I'm 19, soon to be 20, I realize that I don't need permission from mom to date Randy, but I don't want to upset her. Should I continue seeing Randy without telling Mom that I am, or should I tell her and possibly make her upset? - Sheila, Carson City, Nev.

SHEILA: Tell mom that Randy has returned to Carson City, and she will be surprised when she sees him because the "redneck" appearance he once had is gone.

He now has a new look and a new attitude. Have Randy and you take Mom out for dinner so she can see this for herself. It is better that you inform mom about Randy rather than having her hear about it from an acquaintance.

I'M NOT READY TO BE A FULL-TIME WIFE

DR. WALLACE: I'm 19, and my fiance is 21. We are both high school graduates, have full-time jobs and have been together for over two years. My fiance wants us to get married, but I'm not sure I'm ready to be a full-time wife. I'd like us to live together for a year or so to make sure that we are truly compatible. My parents are divorced, and my mom is with her third husband, so I don't want all that to happen to me.

My fiance said that he read somewhere that couples who live together before eventually getting married actually have a higher rate of divorce than couples who marry without having lived together before they got married. Do you have any information on this subject? I don't think my fiance read the article correctly. - Nameless, Vicksburg, Miss.

NAMELESS: It's possible that your fiance was referring to a study conducted by the Psychology Department at the University of Nebraska. The study found that the overall divorce rate is 48 percent, but it was 58 percent among couples who lived together first. The reason, according to researchers, was that live-together-first couples simply couldn't adjust to the total commitment of marriage after living with a partial commitment during their previous arrangement.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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