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He Chose Not to be Upfront With You

DR. WALLACE: I met Mitch at a concert. He was sweet, so I gave him my phone number when he asked me for it. He called the next day and we went to a movie on our first date. We both had a lot of fun, so we decided to go out again. So far, we've dated a dozen times, and all of the dates have been super.

I'm 17 and Mitch is 19, or so he said. Last night he told me he wasn't 19. In fact, he's 23 and divorced — and the father of two sons, who live with his ex-wife. I was stunned when he unloaded all this on me. I really care a lot for this guy, but I'm upset that he lied to me about his age. Had I known he was 23, I would never have gone out with him in the first place.

My parents think this guy is 19 and would be very upset if they knew he's really 23. But my best friend doesn't see anything wrong with dating someone six years older; she advised me to keep dating Mitch and say nothing to my parents about the age difference. Her dad is 15 years older than her mom and they're happy together. What should I do? — Ella, Cleveland.

ELLA: You know what to do. You just want my confirmation, so I'll give it to you. Stop dating this guy! Not only is he too old for you, but he also comes with far too much baggage attached. Getting involved with him wouldn't be healthy. Mitch knows it, which is why he chose not to be upfront with you about his age, or, indeed, his whole life.

A good rule of thumb about dating is to avoid situations that would cause your parents to be very upset.

HE STEPPED ON HER FEET AND SHE NEEDED A BREAK

DR. WALLACE: Mike asked me out. I said yes, so we went to a dance at his church. Another guy asked me to dance and I said yes. This made Mike mad, and he got madder when I danced with this guy three more times.

I had no romantic interest in him; I just like to dance. I danced with Mike at least a dozen times, so it's not like I was ignoring him.

When the dance ended, Mike said, "Let's get out of here," and those were the last words he said that evening. He didn't even say goodnight when he took me home. He hasn't called me. I doubt if he ever will, and if he does, I wouldn't go out with him anyway. Who does he think he is? He doesn't own me! I can dance with anybody I want to. I'd have been happy if he had danced with other girls. I got tired of him stepping all over my feet and needed a break.

When I danced with the other guy the first time, Mike said it was inappropriate for me to dance with a guy without asking him first. Who does he think he is, my father? If I had asked his permission (I never would have) and he'd said no, I still would have danced with the guy. I'm not asking for advice. I just want to let both girls and guys know that it isn't necessary to ask the other for "permission" for anything! Please print my letter. I'd like to hear your reaction. — Nameless, Salt Lake City.

NAMELESS: I'm aware that many readers will disagree with me, but ... since you like to dance and chances were good that you would enjoy dancing with a few different partners, you should have discussed this with Mike before you went out with him. If he said that he would prefer you not to dance with other guys, you should have honored his request or told him, "Thanks, but no thanks" when he asked you out.

I'll enjoy hearing from the readers who disagree with me, and it's possible they might get me to change my mind.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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