Good Student Seeks Help with Self-Confidence by Dr. Robert Wallace on Creators.com

Recently

Too Many Young Lives will be Wrecked or Lost DR. WALLACE: My husband and I are aware that teens experiment with all types of alcohol when they are on dates, at parties or anywhere else where teens congregate. This type of alcohol consumption is unacceptable because of peer pressure to …Read more. I Want Girls to Learn From my Mistake DR. WALLACE: I am not writing to ask for advice. I am writing to help other girls who may be making the same mistake I made. Maybe if I had seen a letter like this a few years ago, my life might be different now. I had a reputation of being easy …Read more. Your Girlfriend was Honest; Respect Her for That DR. WALLACE: Jade and I have been dating for about six months. We have had some really great times. But last week she told me that she no longer wanted to date me because she wanted the opportunity to date others. She also said she no longer had any …Read more. Should I Forgive my Friend? DR. WALLACE: I used to be good friends with Ashley, but no more! Ashley and I were friends since second grade, but for the past year or so, all she did was try to get me in trouble — at school, with my parents, with other friends and even with …Read more.

DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and a good student. I've been asked out by four or five guys, but I always say, "Thanks for asking, but I'm not dating at this time." I would really like to say yes, but I lack self-confidence.

My parents are both professionals and always stress that my grades should be most important in my teen years. I think this has caused me to block out everything in my life that won't help me educationally. I now realize that while grades are very important, my self-confidence should be, too. Any advice will be appreciated. — Nameless, Lake Charles, La.

NAMELESS: You have self-confidence. Your excellent academic record couldn't have been achieved without confidence that you could and would succeed. What you need is a boost in your self-esteem so that you will gain self-confidence in your personal life as well as your academic life.

Psychologists Zelda and Julius Segal offer eight ways to help your self-confidence to grow. Give them a try; they are bound to help with your social life:

1. Focus on your strong points. Most of us would have little difficulty naming what we like least about ourselves. Instead, focus on the admirable aspects of your personality or appearance and your particular aptitudes and skills.

2. Reward yourself for doing well. No one knows better than you do when you have worked hard to reach a goal. Many people never learn to salve their own ego, so they seek applause from others — which often never comes.

It makes sense to reward yourself.

3. Set realistic goals. Attempting to measure up to an unrealistic self- image is one of the major causes of a sense of hopelessness. Ask yourself whether your standards are too high and, if necessary, adjust them into the realm of the attainable.

4. Move toward your goals in steps. Many people ignore the fact that major goals can be reached only by a series of small steps. If you take pride in achieving each step, your self-confidence is bound to stay at a healthy level.

5. Finish what you start. Just as having too-high goals can be destructive, having no goals can also erode your ego. If you get in the habit of filling your time with half-completed tasks, you deny yourself the satisfaction of achievement.

6. Don't try to please everyone. We simply cannot please everyone all of the time. There will always be people who find us irritating, even threatening. If you try to be all things to all people, you will only end up losing the attributes that make you delightfully unique.

7. Seek out people who think you're the greatest. Since not everyone is going to like you, no matter how hard you try, make an effort to spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself.

8. If you need it, get professional help. If you're constantly feeling depressed, inferior or fearful of every task, professional help may be in order.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.