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Don't Introduce Alcohol to Your Son
DR. WALLACE: My husband and I are "social" drinkers. We drink at home occasionally and at social functions. We both feel we can control our drinking, and it has rarely caused any kind of problem.
We have a 17-year-old son who is attending parties where, we are sure, alcohol is being served. My husband wants to introduce him to alcohol in our home, so he can teach him how to respect it rather than have to learn about drinking from his peers. I don't think this is a good idea. My husband and I are social drinkers, but I would be happy if our son never consumed a drop of alcohol in his life. But my husband's plan might have some merit. What do you think? —Mother, Batavia, Ill.
MOTHER: Your husband's plan to teach your son to "respect" alcohol by introducing him to drink at home would be a serious mistake. Would he introduce him to drugs at home so he could learn to respect them and use them socially?
You must remember that alcohol is a highly addictive and depressive drug, which has wreaked havoc on millions of families. When you and your husband drink at home in front of your son, you are sending a message that it's OK to drink. Children are deeply influenced by what their parents do — far more than by what they say.
If you truly care that your son never consumes a drop of alcohol in his life, set an example for him and stop drinking. Never should a parent encourage a child to drink alcohol for any reason.
NO COURT WOULD GRANT PARENTS' REQUEST
DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and won't be 18 for seven months. I will graduate from high school shortly and have been accepted at the University of Arizona. But my college education will have to go on hold because I'm two months pregnant.
My parents are devastated because I am an only child, and they had high hopes that I would follow in their footsteps by eventually earning a degree in education. Both of my parents are demanding that I get an abortion. I keep telling them that an abortion is out of the question. My distraught mother has told me that since I'm not yet 18, she can go to court and force me to have an abortion. I don't think this is possible, but I'd like to be sure. Thanks for your help. —Nameless, Phoenix, Ariz.
NAMELESS: Your parents cannot force you to have an abortion. No court would grant their request. Your parents are disappointed that your future is now unpredictable, but they must support your decision and give you their unconditional love.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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Comments
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7 Comments | Post Comment
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LW2, I am - rabidly - pro choice. Choice means exactly that - that you, and only you, have the right to make decisions about your reproduction and reproductive health. Stand your ground, and do not let your parents pressure you into doing something you feel wrong about. If YOU are not comfortable having an abortion, you will have to deal with the regret for the rest of your life, not them. Tell them that. Involve your high school counselor or another trusted adult if you need backup.
If you have 2-1-1 in your area, please call them for referrals. They might be able to help you get into programs that will allow you to go on to college even if you keep your baby. Best of luck to you, and please remember to use contraception in the future. If it's against your religion - well, so is premarital sex.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Carla
Tue Mar 5, 2013 6:41 AM
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LW1:
Yes, alcohol can wreak havoc and destroy families. While I agree with the concept of teaching responsible drinking, I'd err on the side of caution here. After all, your son is not yet the legal age ... so I'd hold off on teaching moderation. Hopefully, he's already learning by watching.
But do have a talk with your son and let him know how you feel about alcohol. It's up to him if he wants to accept, but if you do it the right way, he'll see your point of view and weigh it strongly when he does reach the minimum age of 21 and he is allowed to consume alcohol.
Re: Carla (#1, on LW2):
But on the flip side, if she DOES decide to have an abortion, she could deal with the regret for the rest of their lives, not them.
For them, the baby is an inconvenience and an obstacle to their "perfect angel" achieving the goals they set for you (or the goals you set for yourself), hence their attitude and their demands that you abort the baby, as though it were nothing. How mean and cruel can you get?
And yes, I am pro-life. And to my knowledge, Dr. Wallace is right – I am not aware of ANY state that would allow a parent to compel their child to have an abortion. (And that's with other unjust, unconsciable laws in place or proposed regarding unborn babies!) The best your parents can do is bite their lip, admit that their daughter is pregnant and that things will work out.
Who knows? They just might work out by keeping the baby. And there's always ADOPTION that's an option. The worst that her education would be put off by doing this route is nine months – and at least there the baby has a loving home where the parents can give them the time and energy they deserve. And even if the LW decides to keep the baby, adjustments aside, there are high hopes for her (after all, she's been accepted to a state-run university, and surely they wouldn't accept her if her grades and other scholastic achievements weren't up to snuff).
I know of many great people and high achievers who became pregnant as teen-agers, and made it through a rigorous college schedule all while supporting a child, so LW, your parents are the ones who are ignorant here. It's not easy, I'll admit – but please look to God, trusted friends that are adults ... and yes, your mom and dad ... and they will guide you through as you support your child and get that degree that you will work so hard for.
You deserve it, child! Go get that degree!!!!! And please, look forward to the day where you welcome your child into the world.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Bobaloo
Tue Mar 5, 2013 7:33 AM
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Bobaloo and Carla,
Am I missing something? From what I read in your posts, you are both coming on the same side. :-) And I am joining you in this - the LW should be able to keep her baby if she wants to, and no court in the world can force a woman/girl to have an abortion. Like Carla, btw, I am vehemently pro-choice. LW2 has made her choice - to have a child. All the power to her in raising the baby and getting her college degree. The two are not mutually exclusive.
Comment: #3
Posted by: Ariana
Tue Mar 5, 2013 9:32 AM
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LW2 has made the choice to keep her child. Unfortunately, she has also made the choice for her parents that they will likely be the ones providing for and caring for the child. Most girls say, "I know how to take care of a baby!" But any of us who are parents know that caring for a child involves more than changing diapers and getting up to feed the baby ten times a night. Can this girl truly care for this child in every way? Doubtful. She might work a part-time job to pay for diapers and baby food, but who will provide shelter, heat, child care, money for medical expenses? LW2's parents. And if the baby is born with special needs, that's a whole new set of issues.
Until this stupid little girl can financially survive on her own without any help from her parents or anyone else, she has no business having and keeping a baby.
Comment: #4
Posted by: Siege
Tue Mar 5, 2013 1:18 PM
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Re: Ariana
Carla and I both agree that the courts cannot force an underage person – or anyone, for that matter – to have an abortion.
The difference is, you see, is that I am pro-life. You and Carla are pro-choice. (End of discussion there.)
Comment: #5
Posted by: Bobaloo
Tue Mar 5, 2013 4:09 PM
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Can't any of you give advice on a topic concerning abortion without stating whether or not you are pro-choice or pro-life? Your political/moral stance doesn't matter. This woman's parents cannot force her to have an abortion regardless of whether or not you are pro-life or pro-choice.
Comment: #6
Posted by: jjmg
Wed Mar 6, 2013 7:09 AM
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Wish I joined this party sooner! Bobaloo, chill it. Why make pro choicers hate pro lifers cause every opportunity something like this happens, pro lifer will appear and fight even though there is no need for it and throw stuff into others' faces. And yes before we go further, I'm pro-choice which means CHOICE. Our bodies, our lives and all. Seems many forget that before Roe vs Wade that women went though misery to say the least.
Regardless of your stance of pro life or pro choice, this young woman is having her baby. Her choice about what she wants to do! She must live with it all.
But I agree with Siege about keeping the baby (not the toughness she used) but that is tough. Adoption should be considered seriously so the baby is not just dumped on the parents nor burden on the young lady who is just starting out in life. Yes the gal can do it but that is lot to go though for all the reasons Siege says. Also the parents are about to re-start their lives without children. If anything the only right they have is to say "I am not raising another child for these reasons". Its not fair on them. Again adoption.
Comment: #7
Posted by: Kath
Sun Mar 10, 2013 5:14 PM
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