'Tween 12 and 20 by Dr. Robert Wallace

DR. WALLACE: When I was in sixth grade (five years ago), I had a good friend who happened to be a boy. We stopped seeing each other because my family moved away. Recently, my family and I returned to this town to visit friends, and I decided to call him. Although we didn't get a chance to see each other, I talked to him on the phone every day for the week we were there. Sometimes he would call me two or three times during the day, and I was always glad to hear his voice.

Now that I'm back home, I have this feeling that I really like him, even though I can only guess what he looks like. What should I do? He lives 150 miles from me. — Shannon, Gary, Ind.

SHANNON: Continue to correspond as pen pals. Send him a recent photo of yourself and ask that he send one to you. Suggest that it would be exciting to see him again. And don't be too surprised if he makes arrangements to visit you this summer.

LEAVING HIM IS MOST IMPORTANT

DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and dating a guy who is 22. We have been together for two years. The first six months were wonderful. We had great times together. It didn't take me long to realize I loved him.

Then suddenly Craig changed. He started giving me orders, told me whom I could talk to and how to wear my hair and clothes. My parents didn't like him, but when I graduated from high school, I decided to move in with him. For about two weeks, he seemed to be the "old Craig" I had fallen in love with. Then he reverted back to the "new Craig," and even worse. He refused to allow me to get a job or even talk with my family on the phone. I couldn't leave the house unless I was with him.

About two months ago, he started physically abusing me. If the house wasn't tidy enough when he came home from work, he would scream, call me names and push or slap me.

If he didn't like the dinner I prepared, he would dump it on the floor, make me clean it up, and then kick me when I was bent over.

Last week, he choked me and punched me because he found out I had called my mother. The following day (two weeks ago,) I packed up my clothes and went home. I told my parents everything. My dad was so upset that he wanted to confront Craig, but since Craig is much bigger, my dad would have been the loser.

Every night since I left, Craig calls and tells me he's sorry and that things will be different if I return. I know you are going to tell me not to return to Craig. But even though I know he might never change, I have a strong desire to return. Why is this? — Nameless, Phoenix.

NAMELESS: I am not a psychiatrist and don't know why many abused females continue to have strong attachments to their abuser, but they do. And they continue being abused until they find the emotional strength to sever the relationship.

By leaving him, you have taken the first and most important step. No matter how much you want to return, do not do it! His actions toward you are criminal. He is emotionally disturbed and belongs in an institution, where he could receive treatment and wouldn't be able to assault another woman. If you returned to him, the only way things would be different is that they'd get worse.

Get involved in family activities, contact friends and renew old ties. If Craig threatens you, notify authorities immediately. Please write to me in a few weeks and let me know how things are going. I care very much for your safety and welfare.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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