Tales From the Front by Cheryl Lavin

Dear Cheryl,

Can love be turned off because you're afraid of it and choose to run away? Can you intentionally fall out of love with someone just by separating yourself from that person?

Will time somehow reveal the true depths of the love to you, and will you then reunite with your loved one?

How do you know when to let go of believing the relationship is meant to be and that in time it will be?

One more question, though I'm sure I'm over the limit: How do you know if you've transcended from infatuation to true love? — Can't Let Go of a Good Thing

Dear CLGOAGT,

Was it really a good thing?

Could it really have been a good thing if only one of you wanted to maintain it? If a tree falls in a forest and no one hears it, does it make any noise?

Reading between the lines, here's what I guess happened. You were in love with a guy you thought was The One. He broke up with you. You want to believe he did it because he was afraid of getting too close. Maybe. Maybe not.

What difference does it make? He doesn't want to be with you. Maybe he'll change his mind in a month or a year or 10 years or never. So what? Are you going to wait around hoping? No!

Get on with your life. If it's meant to be (if there is such a thing), then he'll come around on his own. In the mean time, you might as well enjoy yourself, not mope over some guy who either doesn't really love you or can't commit.

And how do you know if you've transcended from infatuation to true love? You don't.

(Readers, do you believe some relationships are meant to be? What does that even mean? That fate brings two people together, and they'll live happily ever after? CLGOAGT and I want your opinion.)

Dear Cheryl,

Sadness and disappointments are painful, and I've lived through them.

I've been fortunate. I've never really been challenged by such a situation. I wonder if I have the courage to live through a big loss. The bubble is bound to burst at some point. These thoughts crowd in when I am feeling vulnerable. How about every hour on the hour? — Fearing the Worst

Dear Fearing the Worst,

I see five individual but related problems. The first is that the fear of the pain of losing someone is keeping you from forming the close bonds that we all need to live satisfactory lives.

The second is that you lack the confidence in yourself to realize that you can handle whatever life throws at you — be it sadness, disappointment, sickness, aging or loss.

The third is that you haven't really accepted death as the inevitable, unavoidable and entirely predictable part of life that it is.

The fourth is that your thoughts about loss has become an obsession.

The fifth is that all of these together are keeping you from living life to its fullest.

Many people who have suffered the death of loved ones have written memoirs. Their experiences of coping may help. You may also want to talk to your religious advisor or a therapist. Good luck.

Cheryl Lavin may be reached at cheryllavin@aol.com. You can visit her blog at www.talesfromthefront.com. To find out more about Cheryl Lavin, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.

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