Tales From the Front by Cheryl Lavin

Dear Cheryl,

I'm a 52-year-old divorced mother of two children in their late 20S. I was married for 26 years, and my marriage ended because of my ex-husband's infidelity.

I've had scant sexual experience. My ex is the only man I've ever been with. Even though I've been divorced for almost four years, I haven't been out with anyone.

I'm scared to death to even try to date because I'm afraid that the man would expect sex in return for a night out. I'm not the type of woman who can have sex with just anyone. I would have to have a history with the man and be in love! — Born Again Virgin

Dear Born Again Virgin,

You're underestimating men. There are some men who consider a date a quid pro quo. They provide the dinner, you provide the entertainment. But not all men are like that. Believe it or not, there are men who are looking for a relationship, not just a sexual encounter. But you're never going to find one if you let fear keep you home.

You need to get out there. Tell your friends you're ready to date. Tell your children. Get involved in activities where you can meet men and become friends with them. Let things happen naturally. A date leads to a relationship, and sex will happen when you're ready.

Don't let fear and a bad experience sour you on men and life. Get going! And stay in touch, and let me know how you're doing.

Dear Cheryl,

When my husband and I were first dating, our sex life was great. Then, after our first child was born, it became infrequent.

About once a month. That was OK because we were both exhausted.

After the birth of our second child, my husband became very negative about the baby and totally disinterested in sex.

I weigh the same as when we were dating, although I'm not quite as toned. But I know other men find me very attractive. When my husband sees me undressed, his eye glaze over. I really wonder if he's gay.

I haven't found any evidence of an affair, but I find it hard to believe that a man wants sex only one or two times a year.

I'm not sure what to do. I hate to admit it, but I'm getting tempted by other men. — Not Getting Any in the 'Burbs

Dear NGAITB,

Something is obviously wrong, but an affair isn't going to fix it.

I don't know if your husband has a physical or an emotional problem, but something is going on.

You have to approach him in a non-accusatory way. Tell him how much you enjoyed sex with him and how much you miss it. Tell him you're not satisfied with things the way they are. Explain to him that for the sake of your marriage and your children you need to improve your sex life.

If he says he's not having an affair and he's not gay, then the logical place to start is with his doctor. He needs a complete physical to eliminate any problems that might be causing his lack of sex drive.

If there are no physical problems, then the two of you need to get into marital counseling. Good luck, and stay in touch.

Got a problem? Send it to cheryllavin@aol.com. And check out my blog www.talesfromthefront.com. To find out more about Cheryl Lavin, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.

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