Tales From the Front by Cheryl Lavin

Dear Cheryl,

A reader asked if she was likely to become an abuser if she was abused as a child. Your answer, for her to put her past behind her, might not be doable without a lot of counseling. I've had plenty, and it's helped, but I still struggle with bad dreams of being attracted to guys who are no good for me and occasionally that my decades-dead father is alive.

My therapist told me (and my husband) that girls who've had their sexual awakening imposed on them by a man they should have been able to trust (in my case, it was my alcoholic father) often go on to have stupid and unrewarding relationships and blame themselves when things don't work out, and are clueless at the pitiful choices they're making.

Men will not talk to women about how much they disdain "booty call" girls, but they say plenty to each other, and they don't under any circumstances want one as a girlfriend and especially not as a wife. Any woman who has been a "booty call" girl needs to get a handle on her emotions, and then she should move.

The effects of being the butt of this locker-room type gossip can linger throughout her adult life and affect her profession if she has one. I wish I had been able to make a fresh start. Now I can only hope my enemies rot in Hell.

(Have you been a "booty call" girl? How did you get passed it? Have you ever gossiped about one? What made you stop?)

Ronnie: In a recent column, Gina described women who live with a man who doesn't marry them as victims. Two consenting adults have a relationship and it doesn't go as one party wishes, and hence that party is a victim? Give me a break.

We have a female secretary of state who came very close to being president.

Women now head many companies, and while there is still more progress to be made, that couldn't have occurred without women's lib. Women today have more autonomy over their lives and finances than any generation. Young women today are more likely to get a college degree than their male counterparts.

Karen: Women's lib has gotten women many, many things, with sexual freedom being a side effect. It has stopped the practice of women training men to become their supervisors, opened the door for women to aspire to more than nursing or teaching, made sexual remarks and innuendoes a cause for a harassment suit, and given us birth control, which made us free to make our own choices.

(Women, what has women's lib done for you?)

Lanie: You recently wrote about a husband who felt threatened by his wife's "walking partners." I'm with you! A mastectomy very often makes a woman feel less feminine.

While Jealous Husband has found an interest in firearms and a forum that caters to that interest, it seems his wife has found an interest in walking for exercise.

Counseling may help the dynamics of the marriage, and help each party understand that partners often have friends and interests that differ from their mates. People who exercise (jog, walk, ski, play tennis) quite often have friends of the opposite sex who engage in the same exercise. It's not an indication of infidelity, just a desire to share an activity with others.

(Does your partner share an interest with someone of the opposite sex? How do you feel about it?)

Got a problem? Send it to cheryllavin@aol.com. And check out my blog www.talesfromthefront.com. To find out more about Cheryl Lavin, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.

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