Raymond was 25 in the summer of 2004 on a trip to Fort Lauderdale with his parents and sister.
"As I sat in the ocean with the waves crashing against me, I looked out on the horizon and said to myself, 'That's it. I need to go home and find my true love.'"
And that's just what he did. He went home, went on a few "bad dates," and then got a "wink" from Meagan on match.com.
Their first phone call lasted for hours. Their first date was on Sept. 26, 2004. They decided to meet at Millennium Park.
"As I waited for Meagan to arrive, I saw an elderly woman who reminded me of my late grandmother. I feel she sent Meagan to me. After our first date, we both told our parents we had met our soul mate."
They got engaged in February 2005 and married in April 2006.
"Here," says Raymond, "is where our story gets interesting.
Eight months after their wedding, Meagan was diagnosed with a benign brain tumor. She had surgery to remove it and then lost total hearing in her right ear. She needed several more surgeries to repair brain fluid leaks. She was in the hospital six weeks and unable to swallow for three months. She had to be tube fed.
"All this was in the first year of our marriage. I was there at her side everyday in the hospital and cared for her at home, from putting drops in her eye throughout the night to consoling her.
Our families kept us afloat financially.
"When we were through with all of that and Meagan was back to work, things didn't go back to normal.
There was a new normal. We'll always have to make sure there's moisture in her right eye, which doesn't blink or produce tears since the tumor was removed.
"But I would never trade a minute of that. Meagan has such a caring heart and is always looking out for others. She's so strong and can withstand any bump in the road with a positive attitude. She's truly my soul mate. My favorite part of the day is being with her and watching her play fetch with our dog Riley."
"Riley falls asleep every night on Ray's shoulder or in his lap," says Meagan. "He's amazing with her. He's the most loving person I know."
Raymond and Meagan are trying to start a family. Meagan's grammar school ambition was to be a mom. Raymond is one of five children ranging from 24 to 47. He helped raise his youngest sister.
They worked with a fertility specialist for a few years and went through several attempts of in vitro fertilization and then tried to find an egg donor.
"When none of that worked, we realized that we needed a new path. So this past November we decided adoption was the route we would take. Meagan's father was adopted. This is a huge financial commitment, and we're living close to poverty to be able to save the over $30,000 we need to adopt a child.
"We hope that we'll soon have a child to give him or her a loving and warm home to grow up in. A child in our lives would be a true blessing to us and to the child that will be in our family."
Have you gone through IVF, donor eggs, donor sperm or adoption? How has that affected your relationship? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my new website askcheryl.net.
COPYRIGHT 2013 CREATORS.COM
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9 Comments | Post Comment
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If you adopt from foster care, the state pays the adoption expenses. And you help a kid who really needs a home.
Comment: #1
Posted by: capiscan
Sun Apr 21, 2013 4:38 AM
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YEs, what capiscan said.
Please consider adopting an older child. So many people want to adopt, but they only want to adopt a newborn, leaving many children sitting in the system, wishing for a stable home. Don't buy into the idiotic theory that you have to adopt them young to be able to form a good bond with them.
My Brother and his wife adopted a little girl when she was five. Today she is a teenager who is Daddy's little girl.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Michelle Keane
Sun Apr 21, 2013 10:09 AM
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From what my social worker friends tell me, adoption even from foster care is difficult. In the meantime, since you two are good with dogs, please consider adopting a shelter dog. There are so many who need homes.
Comment: #3
Posted by: Samantha
Sun Apr 21, 2013 3:39 PM
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Best wishes to Raymond and Meagan! My friends are fostering two young boys that they hope to adopt. The couple may also want to explore the possibility of a private adoption or an open adoption.
Comment: #4
Posted by: PuaHone
Mon Apr 22, 2013 12:40 PM
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Don't buy into the idiotic theory that you have to adopt them young to be able to form a good bond with them
***********
I don't think that's the reason people hesitate. I think the problem is that depending on what those kids have seen/endured in their short lives, it's very possible that they may have attachment disorder and have internalized a very skewed idea of what constitutes proper behavior and interpersonal relationships. Some older kids in foster care really ARE damaged enough that they require than most parents, however well-meaning, are able to provide; the need is just too great.
Of course, that doesn't mean that all or even most older kids are in foster care because of behavioral problems, or that they've been in bad situations that require more than ordinary parental love can help heal. From what I've read about adopting older kids, it is important to be realistic about your capabilities and to do your due diligence on their background, though, before you get your heart set on a specific youngster with engaging smile, charming personality or touching story.
And I echo PuaHone's good wishes for Raymond, Meagan and the family they will raise.
Comment: #5
Posted by: hedgehog
Thu Apr 25, 2013 4:01 PM
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Hedgehog, you're just repeating prejudices against kids who haven't had a chance. My parents took in 2 foster teenagers who had been through a lot. Most people thought the way you do: they were too "damaged" to ever adapt to a normal home. However, we managed to work things out. We're all still in touch today and still call each other brother and sister. If this couple wants to adopt older kids, like teenagers, I'd say go for it!
Comment: #6
Posted by: Madelyn
Thu Apr 25, 2013 11:07 PM
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Madelyn, how many kids have you raised again?
I've raised three. Parenting is stressful as it is -- a good percentage of marriages don't survive the stress of raising biological kids born without any kind of difficulties. Put kids "who haven't had a chance" through the emotional wringer of divorce and exactly who are you helping?
I believe it's irresponsible to urge a couple who have never parented and who have financial difficulties to just "adopt an older kid!" as if it will be all sunshine and rainbows and "love is allyou need."
I know one kid, adopted from a Russian orphanage at age 5, who has cost her parents -- now divorced, in part because of the stress -- a small fortune in counseling fees, for themselves, for her, for their entire family. They did not have insurance that covered the counseling. All because the mom wanted a little girl and fell in love with a picture on the internet.
Anyone who's considering parenthood -- by any means -- needs to take a look at what they can realistically handle, and consider the kid's background. That's not repeating prejudice against older kids, much as you'd like to think it is -- it's common sense. There ARE older kids out there who will have a smoother transition into the adoptive family than others. You can't tell which from a picture or even an afternoon together. You owe it TO THE KID to be sure you can be the family they need.
Comment: #7
Posted by: hedgehog
Fri Apr 26, 2013 5:19 AM
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Re: Hedgehog: It sounds like the couple you're describing is one that shouldn't have adopted in the first place. Not thinking things through, inadequate insurance, and an unstable marriage to boot. I doubt that a good adoption agency would have allowed it to happen the way you describe it, altho I don't doubt that a disreputable one did.
LW and his wife sound a lot more mature and have a supportive extended family as well, which always helps a lot.
There really needs to be some governmental oversight of these disreputable adoption agencies. The current issue of "Mother Jones" relates the horror stories of "Christian Adoption Agencies" that are actually selling "cheap" children from Africa to American parents who use them as child laborers/slaves. They induce African parents to give up their children by exchanging small amounts of money and telling them their children are going to a good home, to get a "good education." When the kids get to America, they find they receive neither. Under the guise of "home schooling", they are totally denied an education, forced into labor without pay, starved, and then beaten--sometimes to death. The kids have no idea it's illegal, and no access to telephones to report what is happening to them. Since the African parents' are unable to negotiate anything like Open Adoption, America needs to start charging these adoptive "parents" high fees, with the money going to social workers' regular inspection.
Comment: #8
Posted by: Madelyn
Sat Apr 27, 2013 9:03 AM
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Hedgehog: It sounds like the couple you're describing is one that shouldn't have adopted in the first place. Not thinking things through, inadequate insurance, and an unstable marriage to boot.
***************
I'd agree, although they DID go through MANY home visits -- they'd adopted an infant boy several years earlier who was adapting well. I believe they underestimated the stress the older girl would feel in transitioning and there was less known about attachment disorder at the time.
But that's all I've been saying all along -- is that a couple needs to realistically assess their resources, and the child in consideration, before adopting, particularly an older child. That's true of parenting in general, of course. But a couple that has NO experience in parenting, who have not witnessed how a child's reasoning ability develops. for example, are less prepared. There's a reason biology provides our species with babies and toddlers rather than teen-agers!
While I applaud those who take in older children, and I realize there is critical need for foster parenting, I don't think people who feel prepared to raise a baby are by default also suitable parents for a teen. A lot of that patience and wisdom comes from parenting kids as they go through the stages of development.
So while I appreciate that everyone's heart was in the right place, I'm not persuaded that a couple with as many physical challenges as this couple has, combined with lack of parenting experience and who are living on the edge of poverty to save for an adoption, are automatically a great choice to adopt older kids.
Comment: #9
Posted by: hedgehog
Tue Apr 30, 2013 5:05 AM
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