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What's With These Losers? Dear Cheryl: I'm 53 and my two boys, whom I raised alone, are all in their 20s and independent. For the past year, I've been dating Gage, a wonderful, kind man. Unfortunately, he has a 24-year-old son, Chuck, who lives with him and is very dependent …Read more. That Reminds Me Sometimes a column can spur a memory. A recent column about a woman who was short-changed in a relationship had that effect on Marnie. "The column caused me to totally (mentally) revisit my experience with a high school boyfriend named Reggie. "I …Read more. Girls Going Wild Long before someone figured out a way to make money from it, girls have been going wild. Some are happy about it; others regret it. TANYA: I graduated from college magna cum laude with a chemistry degree. Then I took my MCAT for med school. I didn't …Read more. Why Did She Cheat on a Wonderful Man? Dear Cheryl: I've been married two years to a wonderful, caring, loving, kind man. We have a 1-year-old son together and he's raising my older son as his own. This past summer, I was reunited with an old flame from high school, and we had a very …Read more.
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The Frist Time Is Rarely the Best Time


The first time.

We invest so much energy thinking about who it's going to be with, what it's going to be like, and how we'll feel afterwards, that it's no wonder that it rarely lives up to the hype.

KAREN: One month after I turned 18, I had my first sexual experience — with another woman. Over the course of the next 13 years, I was in three lesbian relationships. The shame of it is that I'm not gay. I was afraid of men and had such a terrible self-image that I felt unworthy of them.

I've had many years of therapy since then. When I was 31, I experienced my first heterosexual intercourse. The man was 25 years older than me, and I'm still with him 26 years later.

The tragedy does not end there. I haven't had sex for nearly 20 years because he's impotent! Now doesn't your sex life sound fantastic?

KELSEY: I'm not exactly sure when I lost my virginity. My husband and I were both virgins when we got married. He was impotent on our wedding night and our honeymoon. But he kept plugging away, and at some point, I guess he was successful, but you couldn't prove it by me.

That's why I always say I was a virgin when I got married, both times!

HANK: I lost it on a hot and sweaty night with a very forgettable girl when I was 16. I wish I'd started younger, like my friends. I came of age in the seventies. Very few of us left high school still a virgin.

Oddly enough, the world didn't come to an end.

HOLLY: I was 28. It was at a party with a girl I'd just met that night. I was attracted to her, but I wish it had been with someone I loved, someone I'd known for a long time. To be honest, it was quite an awkward experience. It really was not how I imagined it. I felt like I should have known what I was doing, since we were both women, but it was just plain awkward.

Do I regret it? I have mixed feelings. On one hand, I'm glad I finally got the awkward first time over with. On the other hand, the reason I waited so long was because I wanted to be in love. I kind of wish I'd stuck with that. I've decided to go back to waiting for love. I just hope I actually fall in love soon.

GEORGE: My wife and I were both virgins when we said, "I do." We stayed loyal and had no affairs through 53 years of marriage. I'm proud my sweet one was the only woman I ever slept with. No worry about diseases or guilt trips. We grew in our intimate relationship with each other. I was with her when she took her last breath.

I'm still fully satisfied with fond memories, starting with the honeymoon and through those wonderful years together. I'm not preaching, and I may be bragging, but a life of honor with one person sure has its rewards. It's not easy and takes a lot of focus and respect for your spouse.

How was your first time? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to To find out more about Cheryl Lavin, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit



2 Comments | Post Comment could a woman who has been in lesbian sexual relationships not understand the penetrative action of a penis is not required for sex. If your husband is impotent, find other methods to satisfy both of you and retain your intimacy. Sex is important!
Comment: #1
Posted by: Julie
Fri Apr 6, 2012 6:17 AM
Julie, my guess is that Karen understands very well that penetration isn't necessary to have an orgasm. However, what's needed is a willing partner, and from what I've read, many men who are impotent aren't real keen on any sexual activity, because there's no direct reward in it for them. (Probably like what a lot of women feel when a guy doesn't put any effort into satisfying her, oddly enough.)

Yeah, he SHOULD be thinking of her pleasure, but my guess is that he's too embarrassed/frustrated to want to start anything, because it only leads to frustration for him. Better, as his thinking goes, to just avoid the issue altogether -- because you're "too tired", "too sore", "feeling sick" "got a headache" or "too wound up in this tv movie right now".
Comment: #2
Posted by: hedgehog
Fri Apr 6, 2012 7:32 PM
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