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Sweating With the Middle-Aged
A fitness club is an absolutely great place for a first date — if you look like Christie Brinkley in spandex. But if you're more of a Richard Simmons, better stick with Starbucks. I think Luanne would agree with me.
She and Mario exchanged emails trying to set up a date. Since they belong to the same health club, they decided to meet there.
The day didn't start out great. It was icy and Luanne slipped in her driveway."Wet and aggravated, I got into my car. No turning back at that point."
She spotted Mario. It was a good news/bad news situation. He was "very handsome," but he "grimaced" when he recognized her.
Mario told her to start with her usual 45 minutes of cardio and find him when she was through.
After 15 minutes on the stair-stepper, she began to wonder why she was alone if this was a date. She went to find him.
"I felt like saying, 'Hey, if you're not interested, could I just go home? I did fall on my ass."
When she found him, she suggested they go in the "dimly lit studio" and do a free weights. "I figured, good lighting, fairly empty, a good place for conversation. Boy was I wrong."
On the way to the studio, Mario told Luanne he was going to do ab work with her.
"Ya think? I'm not in that bad of shape for 53, but I do have a little belly. I guess my sucking it in and wearing a cute t-shirt wasn't fooling anybody.
Mario had been a professional soccer player, and he put Luanne through a vigorous work out. "We were way beyond crunches. I begged for a sip of my water, but he told me to keep working. I was red in the face and started to get the whole biggest-loser-contestants-puking thing."
After that, they did bicep curls. "He told me I have strong arms, which is code for 'You have big fat arms.' All of a sudden it hit me — I'm going to throw up. I told him I was sick. He said, 'One more set.' I sat down with the weights still in my hands. He finally got it."
Mario told Luanne to put a finger under her nose, close her eyes and press really hard. "I wondered if this was when he was going to take off. But, no, it was supposed to help with the nausea. It didn't help. I just felt like I was doing an imitation of Hitler getting ready to puke. While this was going on, he was telling me about his life, and I was wondering if the little white gym towel would hold all my vomit.
Luanne made it to the locker room without hurling, grabbed her stuff and waited for Mario in the lounge. And waited. And waited. Finally she left.
Halfway home, Mario called. She told him she had to leave. He said he was hoping they could go out to eat.
"Boy men really don't have a clue do they?"
Mario asked Luanne if they could get together again. She said sure. As of today, that second date has not occurred.
What do you think are the worst and best places for a first date? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to email@example.com. And check out my new website askcheryl.net.
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