Tales From the Front by Cheryl Lavin

Dear Cheryl,

I was married for six years and have two small children — 3 and 8 months. Everything changed when I became pregnant with our second child. My husband began to scream at me and control me. He would blame us for him not succeeding in his career. He would yell at me in the middle of the night because the dishes were dirty. Once, when I left a diaper on the floor, he lectured me and spoke to me like I was nothing. The house had to be spotless when he came home and the baby asleep by a certain time.

I told myself things would get better and that he was under a lot of stress because of the new baby coming.

I truly believe he wanted me to lose our baby. Thankfully, our baby was born healthy and my parents helped me in every way.

Once our baby turned six months old, he presented me with divorce papers citing irreconcilable differences. He wanted me to move out of the house. He accused me of putting my children first and him second.

We met with the mediator last week and will again next week. I told the mediator about the verbal abuse. She said there's no law against verbal abuse and it wouldn't hold up in court. He wants shared custody. He truly doesn't see what he has done wrong. I need help. — Lost

Dear Lost,

You're not lost. You're stronger than you know and you have to stay that way for your children.

Now here's what to do. 1. Get a lawyer! You need someone who represents your interests and your interests only.

2. Find a therapist. You need to rebuild your confidence, self-esteem and self-respect — all the things your husband destroyed over the past few years.

Be grateful you have parents who will stand beside you. You're not alone. And thank God your husband wants this divorce. His verbal abuse and controlling behavior could have easily escalated to physical abuse, and you and your children could have been in real danger.

Take these two steps and you'll be on the road to a wonderful, healthy new life in a new year. Look forward, not backward. Good luck and stay in touch.

Dear Cheryl,

My wife no longer wants to have sex with me. I've tried everything. Is divorce due to a lack of intimacy really an option when it means not being with your children every day? — At a Crossroads

Dear At a Crossroads,

If you've tried everything and you truly believe that you'll never have a satisfactory sex life with your wife, you have options: Accept it and sublimate your sex drive for the sake of your children. Even if this seems like the best option today, you may not be able to live this way forever.

Accept it until your children reach a certain age and then get divorced. Accept it and have affairs, either with or without your wife's knowledge. Divorce your wife and be the best part-time father you can be.

None of the options are good, but you're the only one who can decide which one is best for you. Good luck and stay in touch.

Got a problem? Send it to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. To find out more about Cheryl Lavin, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.

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