Tales From the Front by Cheryl Lavin

Dear Cheryl,

I'm 50. Rory is 32. The age difference is shocking, but we've been together for two years. He was living at home when we met. We argued about it repeatedly, and he eventually found a "temporary" apartment. It was the first one he looked at, in a crappy neighborhood, three flights up, basically a dump, but at least he made a move.

I had to motivate him to do anything. I went to thrift shops and practically furnished the place with my money. I hung the curtains, got the dinnerware (he was using paper plates) and did-over his redneck-rigged bathroom.

He slept on a futon for two months before he picked up his mattress from his parents'. It still sits on the floor without a frame. The empties stay in a box on the floor of his kitchen for months. The only thing he brought into the apartment without arguing was his big-screen TV.

He claimed he was lonely, so we looked for a kitten. He got two — another source of aggravation. The apartment is much too small for two cats, and it began to stink. They destroyed everything I worked so hard on.

After many arguments, he gave one cat away. The other cat was neutered today. He's going to pick him up at 4 p.m. and bring him to his mother's to "heal." Why there? Why not home?

It turned into an argument because it hit me how often he relies on his parents. His building has a laundry room, but he takes his laundry to their house. Last week, he got a flat tire and called his mother! She called AAA.

He gets paid on Friday. The money is gone by Saturday. He talks about getting a better job and has asked some friends about the fire and police department, but it's never gone any further.

Now a quick update on me. I'm married, unhappily, and living with my husband in a beautiful house that I own, but my husband's name is on it. Obviously, he doesn't know about Rory.

Rory wants me to get divorced and then he wants to move in with me. He says he wants to take care of me, but he can't even take care of himself. I'm 50 and don't want to spend the rest of my life working 50 hours a week! I want to slow down and relax a little. I don't see that happening with Rory.

When I bring any of this to his attention, he's bewildered. He tells me how good he is to me and says I'm on him for every little thing and claims I need to lighten up. I say he needs to grow up so I can.

I want a guy who can take care of things without his parents so I can be the girlfriend, not the bitch, nag or mother.

I need to know if: A) I'm the one who's expecting too much or B) He's the one who needs the wake up call. — Help!

Dear Help!

The answer is C.

You're not expecting too much. And he wouldn't hear a wake up call unless it was from his mother.

You're never going to make this extremely immature, irresponsible, overgrown baby into a man. So stop trying and figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life. Whatever you decide, there's no place in it for Rory.

Got a problem? Send it to cheryllavin@aol.com. And check out my blog www.talesfromthefront.com. To find out more about Cheryl Lavin, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.

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