Tales From the Front by Cheryl Lavin

We recently heard from Drew, who feels "sorrow and guilt" at the thought of divorcing Chris.

They've been married for 17 years and have two children. In that time, he's cheated on her, destroyed things in a drunken rage, and verbally abused her and the kids.

One day, she'd had enough and handed him her wedding ring along with his lunch. But she's having second thoughts and wondering if she's to blame for "destroying four lives."

"Yes, the kids and I would still have to put up with his ways, but I'd have a husband."

Deidre: My ex-husband manipulated me by taking things out on the children. I had to wait until my youngest turned 18 before I saw an attorney. It takes a lot of courage to leave a 30-year marriage. I felt like I was jumping off a mountain into an abyss, but it was the right thing to do even if it was so late. My son now treats women like his father treated me.

Elizabath: Drew sounds like my mother. She is a total doormat to my father, who has never said he was sorry in his life. She has stayed with him for over 50 years and feels like she'll go to heaven for spending her time in hell here on earth.

Do I appreciate what she did? No. I wish she'd had the courage to divorce him before he made our lives so miserable. I found myself envying my friends whose fathers were dead.

I have nothing to do with him now, and because I stood up for myself, I'm the bad guy and she has nothing to do with me. Sadly, I don't miss her, either.

Allison: I was married to a man like Chris.

I cannot tell you how painful it is to watch my daughter follow in my footsteps, and see my two grandchildren bear the brunt of it. You want pain, Drew, hang around for that one! Or watch your sons, if you have sons, grow up and treat their women and your grandchildren like that.

Maybe, instead, you could teach your children more by having some self-respect and protecting them from your husband's anger, meanness and dishonesty. Cut the man loose.

Britney: Two years ago, I divorced a man I'd been married to for 15 years. He wasn't as blatantly abusive as Chris, nor was he an alcoholic. He never cheated on me. But he was prone to terrible, unpredictable rage when he got angry or overstressed, which he directed toward me.

Like Drew, I almost lost myself in a marriage where I was constantly berated, called names and blamed for every problem that surfaced. Like her, I did nothing to deserve this abuse. Like me, she'll be better off on her own with counseling.

Through my own therapy I was able to get strong enough to know enough was enough. We tried couples' therapy, which was unsuccessful because he was unable to confront his own issues and behavior.

Love shouldn't hurt — and if it does, you need to get out. I found great support and a network of friends through my church's program, Divorce Care. It's a national program, and I can't say enough about how it helped me in some very dark moments.

Just hang in there, Drew, and know you are making the best decision of your life.

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How do you and your partner handle finances? Send your tale, along with your questions and problems to cheryllavin@aol.com. You can visit her blog at www.talesfromthefront.com. To find out more about Cheryl Lavin, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.

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