Tales From the Front by Cheryl Lavin

Dear Cheryl,

I'm worried about my best friend. She's recently cleaned up her act, started going to college and even been sober for almost six months. However, she came back from college for the weekend and started talking about this group called the Discordians and some devival thing that she wants to go to.

She told me a bit about the Discordians — that it's a religious group of artists and philosophers or something, and something about eating hot dogs. It seemed a bit "out there." I'm worried that she'll get involved with the wrong people.

I've talked to many people, including the ministers at a local church, a friend who's a police officer and my friend who's a psychology professor. They know nothing about Discordians or devivals. I just want to make sure that my friend's going to be OK and that she's not making some kind of mistake. — Concerned

Dear Concerned,

Count me among those who've never heard of Discordians or devivals. So, I went to Wikipedia, and here's what I found.

In a nutshell (emphasis on nut), Discordianism is a religion-y kind of thing that believes in chaos and wieners. It's "the thinking prankster's religion." A devival is a meeting of Discordians at which hot dogs are sold.

Is your friend pulling your leg?

Are you pulling mine?

Dear Cheryl,

When I was 22, I got pregnant by a loser who mentally abused me. He quit his job two weeks after our baby was born because he didn't like his boss. Six months later, a light bulb went off. Too bad it hadn't gone off when I first met him! I left him, baby in tow.

When I was 25, I married a man who was a good provider and treated my son like his own.

So I started an affair with a married man. I left my husband and went out on my own. Surprise! Surprise! It took me two years and a broken heart to realize the married man was never going to leave his wife.

I'm now 30, and I've been with my boyfriend for a year. However, I'm scared he'll turn out to be another loser. I'm worried for me and also for my son. He's been part of my relationships, except for the married man, whom he never met.

How will I ever ease my fears and stop comparing my current boyfriend to the others? — Three Time Loser

Dear Three Time Loser,

First of all, you're not the person you were when you were 22 or 25 or 27. The fact that you're questioning your judgment proves that.

Now, make four columns on a piece of paper. Label them Baby Father, Husband, Married Man and Boyfriend. In the first three columns, list every red flag you ignored with these men and all the traits that destroyed your relationships.

Now do the same thing in the last column. Be really, really honest. List all the things about your current boyfriend that are problems or potential problems.

Can you live with them? Or are they deal-breakers? Are they something he's aware of? If they are, is he willing to work on them?

Seeing everything in black and white should show you the differences (or the similarities) between your boyfriend and the other men.

Before you marry this man, I strongly suggest couples counseling. It will help expose future difficulties, give you the tools to work through issues and give you confidence in your choice.

Good luck and stay in touch!

Got a problem? Send it to cheryllavin@aol.com. And check out my blog www.talesfromthefront.com. To find out more about Cheryl Lavin, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.

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