Lately, we've been hearing from middle-age men who are virgins. Not by choice. For whatever reason, they've never been involved with a woman long enough for a sexual relationship.
Other men have written in with advice. Today, we hear from Mark. He was one of those middle-age virgins. But he's found a solution to his dilemma, and he'd like to pass it on ...
Says Mark, "I'm the type of man who believes that sex should be the ultimate expression of love between a man and a woman, and as such, should be one of the later steps in a relationship, not the first.
"I'm 45 years old, and I've spent many, many a lonely year because of this belief. I've never had a problem catching a girl's eye, but women don't want to take the time to get to know me. With most women I've ever met or known, if things don't progress toward sex in a rapid fashion, they quickly lose interest and move on.
"What I would like to offer guys like me is some advice. Don't limit yourself to looking for women in this country. The culture in our country is so heavily dominated by instant and short-term sexual gratification that it's hard to find anyone who doesn't think first with his or her genitals.
"I suggest looking to the Philippines. I've met and am now engaged to a wonderful Filipina woman who holds a set of values that mirrors my own. I recently returned from a trip there to meet the woman who is now my fiance, and I can tell you that there are many women in that country who are not looking for sexual pleasure.
"Many of the women I met when I was there can't understand why American people are so fixated with having sex.
There's no divorce over there, and the biggest reason for that is because they value positive personal qualities like honesty, loyalty and sincerity in one's actions over how outgoing and
charming a person is. They realize that most American men are too egocentric to make a lifelong partner.
"The problem for women in the Philippines is that the culture is so male-dominated that it's difficult for them to find a man who will treat them as an equal. I know that there are many Filipina women who would like very much to meet a nice American man and take care of him. Some of my fiance's friends are very wonderful women who are also very lonely.
"So I suggest that men look to other countries to find a special someone. After spending many years believing that the old cliche, 'There's someone out there for everyone,' was just a myth, I can finally say that the saying is definitely true.
"Of course, the proper cautions should be taken, as there are very many scam artists out there who would love to take advantage of someone's loneliness, including some in the Philippines. But I think that it is definitely worth the risk. I hope that there is someone out there that can benefit from my good fortune!"
John Edwards, Eliot Spitzer, Bill Clinton, Mark Sanford, Tiger Woods. What's with these guys? Send your thoughts, along with your questions and problems to cheryllavin@aol.com. And check out my blog www.talesfromthefront.com. To find out more about Cheryl Lavin, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2010 CREATORS.COM
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9 Comments | Post Comment
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Good advice from Mark; however, beware of getting involved with anyone whose religious, cultural, and other values do not reflect your own. That sounds obvious, but it's easy to gloss over this stuff when you first meet someone exciting and interesting. It's easy to fall into that trap when considering dating partners who were raised in some other culture; do not think you're going to change the other person, convert them, or that the differences won't matter.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Matt
Sat Feb 6, 2010 11:50 PM
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I'm glad that Mark found a solution to his problem but I fear that he is unnecessarily stereotyping American women. Many of us would gladly take the time to know a man before becoming intimate with him. Looking for a compatible mate can be a frustrating experience, but making sweeping generalizations about the opposite sex does nothing to make the process easier.
Comment: #2
Posted by: PuaHone
Sun Feb 7, 2010 12:22 AM
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Another word of caution: There are certainly women in the Philippines who aren't looking for sexual pleasure, but are looking for a ticket to America. One of my friends married a woman like that. As soon as she got her Green Card, she took off. So much for her values, lol!
Comment: #3
Posted by: Madelyn
Sun Feb 7, 2010 7:51 AM
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Mark, the fact that you were a virgin at 45 has nothing to do with the women you meet. It's all about you. At your age, you've met more than enough women to have found one or more that would have been willing to spend her life with you, but for some reason, you lost out on that. The best advice that anyone can give you is to get to a counselor so you can figure out why you've been sabotaging your life. Buying a wife from the Philippines with the promise of a Green Card or US passport is NOT the solution.
Comment: #4
Posted by: MessyONE
Sun Feb 7, 2010 1:17 PM
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That's really silly to think just because a woman is from overseas she is a virgin. She could have been a sex worker all of her good days and now she is fooling Americans in thinking she is the virgin they couldnt find at home. How are you supposed to know?
Comment: #5
Posted by: takusan
Wed Feb 10, 2010 6:22 PM
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We lived in the Philippines for five years and the reason there is little divorce is the Catholic Church. The workaround for many men is to have second (and sometimes third) families (birth control is discouraged). I also know that most Filipinas would jump at a chance for a Green Card and a US passport. Please, Mark, get to know your fiance very well before you commit. I should say that this attitude toward marrying an American isn't limited to the Philippines--it applies to the women and men of most countries.
Comment: #6
Posted by: Pugo
Wed Feb 10, 2010 11:42 PM
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If anything, I'm really disturbed at the notion that women from the Philippines are supposedly less sexual/enjoy sex less than women of other cultures. Not only is it a stereotype, but Mark makes them sound like they're from the 19th century. It seems that Mark just wants a quiet, submissive wife to do his bidding! Talk about depowerment.
Comment: #7
Posted by: Cyke
Sun Feb 14, 2010 12:14 PM
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My brother married a girl from Thailand. He was in the Navy for 25 yrs. They have two children, he retired from the military, and she goes to school. What are the long term odds on this making it for the next 20 yrs.?
Answer--I don't know. I'm 54, never married, dated very little, still a virgin, and many factors contributed to my situation. I was very broke until my mid 30s, first car at 33, first date at 35, and I found age was the MAJOR factor in not finding anyone. I was dating in the pre-online days. By the time I got out there, my generation was off the market. I couldn't go younger, and going older didn't seem possible. I was in dating gridlock early on, and it never got better. I guess most women would say it's my fault I never found someone. Maybe it is, but since the 70s women have lost the need for men in America. They have so much else which is important to them. Eventually we all age out of the dating market. It's not a nice place to be, and I hope my sad tale will teach all parents out there to BE SURE your kids learn dating skills early. If they don't they will end up very alone and isolated. I finally got a nice sum of money to live on, but it's been a lonely road to get there. I wouldn't do it again. I missed out on too much, and you can't go back after you're 50. I found dating in the sr. world to be even WORSE than dating as a younger person. Most prospects were unhappy, unavailable, and not friendly. Most had more baggage and issues than the airport terminal as well. Moral--your best dating years are 16-30, you screw that up like I did, and you're over.
Comment: #8
Posted by: Mike
Tue Jun 15, 2010 3:12 PM
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Please read the books--Save the Males by Kathleen Parker and Marry Him by Lori Gottlieb. The average guy in America has had and will continue to have a TOUGH time finding a decent available female. Both of these books will give you why this is a problem for society.
There are many 40 plus male virgins out there who simply couldn't generate an offer, or never found a willing
or available female at the right time or place.
Time and again I've heard from both sexes-I've been dating for years, when is he/she gonna show up?
I'm tired of dating, or I'm dreading going out anymore. Staying home alone soon becomes a lifestyle.
Once you get into that comfort zone, it's tough to get back out there.
Comment: #9
Posted by: Mike
Tue Jun 15, 2010 3:18 PM
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