Tales From the Front by Cheryl Lavin

You can get into trouble in a lot of places. In a bar, for sure. On the Internet, of course. But in an office furniture store?

Sandi was there with her husband Jim. They'd been married 30 years.

"He was 62 at the time. We went to a local office furniture store to buy a chair. There was a 44-year-old with a size 44 chest. He looked at her, and I knew I was in trouble."

Let's back up.

Sandi had been divorced from her first husband for a few years and was ready for a new relationship when she met Jim. He was married, but he told her he was getting a divorce.

"He lied, but by the time I found out, it was too late — I was in love. Jim was funny, loving, easygoing, the perfect guy. I thought he was too good to be true. He was!"

Jim eventually got his divorce, and he and Sandi dated for two years. When he asked her to marry him, she was thrilled.

"I adored and loved this man more than I ever thought I could. He was a great lover and very generous in his gift-giving, and we had so much in common. He took me on vacations I never could have afforded."

There were many red flags flapping in the breeze, but Sandi ignored them.

"He had something bad to say about everyone nearly everyone in my family. My 11-year-old daughter didn't like him and told me early on, 'He's going to hurt you.' He always had to have his way, but it always made sense at the time. He became more and more demanding.

"As the years went on, I noticed him flirting with the women he worked with and we started arguing more.

"Then one awful night, during an argument, he hit me with his fist right between my eyes and knocked me across the room."

At this point, Sandi should have left. No amount of gifts or trips is worth being a punching bag. She says she couldn't.

"I was so dependent on him, and I had become phobic."

The marriage continued to deteriorate. "Jim started sleeping in front of the TV. I went from 112 pounds to 152. I lost the weight, and he appeared to be happy, but it wasn't enough.

"I started to drink more than usual. It seemed to help with the emotional pain, but it infuriated him. I knew it wasn't good for me or our relationship, but I needed something to dull the ache in my heart and soul. By this time, we weren't having sex at all. I suggested he see a doctor for medication. He refused and said there was nothing wrong with him. I thought it was my fault."

And then came the furniture store.

Their divorce was final on Dec. 28.

"It hurts. I lost another husband, and I'm having a hard time understanding why. I'm in counseling, but I'm having a difficult time moving on. In our society, a man of any age can find a new partner. A woman can't. Who's going to want me now?"

What advice do you have for Sandi and other women who stay with men who abuse them? Send it, along with your questions and problems to

cheryllavin@aol.com. And check out my blog www.talesfromthefront.com. To find out more about Cheryl Lavin, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.

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