Tales From the Front by Cheryl Lavin

I recently got a letter from a woman I called Herpes Shmerpes. She said potential partners didn't want to get involved with her.

She wanted me to "tell everybody that having herpes just means that safe sex precautions must be taken."

I didn't.

I told her she was taking it "way too casually." I'm glad she's made peace with her condition, and I commend her for being upfront. But I can't condemn anyone who doesn't want to expose himself. "Even safe sex isn't 100 percent foolproof."

Still, millions of people with herpes find partners. Readers have told me that deciding when to tell a potential partner is the trickiest part. This isn't something you spring on a first date. But you can't wait too long, either. And when you do tell, you have to be totally honest.

If Herpes Shmerpes is having trouble finding a partner, I suggested it might be because she was acting like herpes is no big deal.

Today we hear from a gynecologist and an advocacy group ...

Dr. Drew: I've helped women manage genital herpes for decades. I believe your recent column reflects outdated information and perpetrates attitudes that are no longer appropriate.

When I first began practicing, there was no good treatment for herpes, and it was indeed a potentially "devastating diagnosis." Since the development of several excellent medications, this is no longer the case.

Of all the sexually transmitted diseases, including human papillomavirus (the cause of abnormal Pap smears and genital warts), herpes causes the least trouble. It's the only viral STD we can manage well and easily.

Women need to be aware of the precautions they need to take with new partners and during pregnancy — but, if they act responsibly, there's no reason either they or their partners need be unduly alarmed.

Both HSV 1 and 2 can cause genital lesions.

Cold sores as well as genital lesions spread the virus. It's spread most effectively when lesions (or the tingling sensation that precedes an outbreak by a few days) are present. But the virus is sometimes shed without any lesions.

Without blood testing, it's not possible to know whether an individual has been exposed to the virus and may be contagious. Men and women can contract genital herpes from a partner who doesn't know he/she carries the virus.

Condoms help to discourage the spread of herpes but are not completely effective, especially during recurrences. Although first episodes of herpes can be very painful, even disabling, life-threatening complications are very rare and there is no risk to fertility. Recurrences and transmission to partners can be quite effectively (98 percent) prevented by use of medication either continuously or episodically when the earliest symptoms begin. Medication is not expensive and has virtually no side effects.

I don't mean to belittle the diagnosis of herpes, but I spend a lot of time putting it into perspective for my patients. Sex, like life, carries risks — pregnancy, STDs and broken hearts, to name a few.

I agree that potential new partners should discuss any STDs they may carry as well as contraception. But no one reacts with horror to hearing that a man's previous partner had to be treated for an abnormal Pap smear. That is a much more important red flag than a history of genital herpes managed responsibly.

Chicago Help: We encourage everyone who has ever had sexual contact to have a type-specific herpes simplex blood test before engaging in any intimate relationship! Don't forget to have the potential partner get tested also. You would not want to be added to the millions already living with this infection.

Would you date a person with herpes? Send your tale, along with your questions and problems to cheryllavin@aol.com. And check out my blog www.talesfromthefront.com. To find out more about Cheryl Lavin, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.

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