Tales From the Front by Cheryl Lavin

Dear Cheryl,

I am in my mid-40s, divorced for 12 years, in shape, attractive and independent, own my own home, have no kids and many good friends both female and male, and am active in several outdoor activities. In other words, I'm "a catch." I know it may sound arrogant, but these are the facts.

I was in a long-term relationship that ended several months ago. My question is this: Does having two or three different "friends with benefits" make me a slut? (Protection is always used)?

I have one FWB who's never at my house longer than an hour. We make each other happy, he leaves, and I go about my business. No commitment, no baggage, no emotions involved. Just a physical, tension-relieving act for both of us. The other FWB will sometimes hang around for the weekend or at least for the night. I sometimes wonder what these guys (and my neighbors) really think.

I'm not interested in a committed relationship right now, but I need a little TLC once in a while. Please give me your thoughts. — Friendly

Dear Friendly,

You're not a slut. You're a smart, resourceful woman who's figured out what works for her at this point in her life. You're not hurting anyone. No one's hurting you. What's the problem?

Dear Cheryl,

I'm engaged. My fiance and I broke up a couple times in the past two years because he was cheating on me. He's 56. A year ago, while we weren't seeing each other, he met a 31-year-old girl who he says is just a friend.

She's a model, pretty and petite.

She calls him all the time, asking for advice. (She doesn't get along with her father.) She tried to fix him up when we weren't seeing each other. She's offered to work on marketing for his business. She has no boundaries. She even bothers him at work.

He fixed the brakes on her car. He has a picture of her in his computer but doesn't have a picture of me. He claims it's all innocent. Blah, blah, blah.

I don't like it. Do I have the right to say, "Stop!" I hate to sound insecure and controlling. The intellectual part of me says he just likes her like a daughter, but the other part of me says, "He always loved the ladies." What should I do? — Is It Me or What?

Dear Is It Me or What?

I can't think of one good reason for these two to be friends, but a whole lot of bad ones.

Tell your fiance you don't like the relationship and you want it to end. It isn't healthy for him, her or you. Tell him even if it is innocent, it still makes you uncomfortable. If he is going to marry you and commit to you, your feelings should be more important to him than those of his new-found friend.

Good luck, and stay in touch. I want to know how he responds.

Cheryl Lavin may be reached at cheryllavin@aol.com. You can visit her blog at www.talesfromthefront.com. To find out more about Cheryl Lavin, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.

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