Tales From the Front by Cheryl Lavin

OMG! Boys are going wild! John Edwards, Tiger Woods, Eliot Spitzer, Bill Clinton, Mark Sanford, etc., etc., etc. What's with these guys? With so much at stake, how can they be so stupid?

Bob: From a psychological perspective, it's really very simple. First of all, they're in very egocentric fields (such as politics, show business, athletics), so there's a kind of social pathology involved as a given in what they do for living. Simply put, they think they're above the rules that govern ordinary people. The very powerful and the very rich are in this group, as well.

Second, they're guys, and all guys given sufficient testosterone levels will cheat or have multiple girlfriends (or boyfriends) or wives or partners unless there are sufficient sociological, parental or religious constraints.

Also, guys with high testosterone levels may be more inclined to enter these egocentric fields or simply become violent criminals. End of story.

Will: For the past seven years, I've been involved with several men's groups that hold men accountable for their sexual transgressions. First off, just saying you have an addiction does not release you from the consequences of your behavior.

One of your readers said Tiger was a selfish jerk. News flash! That's what contributes to sexual addiction. Another of your readers said sexual addiction is a rich man's disease. I've seen men who are wealthy and men who've been left destitute due to this addiction.

One of your readers blamed his wife. That's about par for the course in this day and age of blame-shifting. It's one of the biggest excuses addicts use not to confront their own behavior.

The fact is no matter how cold your wife may be (an excuse we hear weekly in group), you need to honor your relationship and deal with your own issues.

In Tiger's case, it might be love for his family that saves him from himself.

The biggest impediment to that is accountability. Most professional athletes and politicians have people around them protecting them instead of confronting them.

If Tiger, or any other man with a sexual addiction, wants to change, he'll have to submit to his wife in love and allow her to have knowledge of where he is and how he spends his money.

The fact is most addicts are just means, motive and opportunity away from a relapse. That's why he'll need strong men around him to keep him accountable, and complete transparency in his relationship with his wife. Most men don't have either.

I've been there and know the pitfalls.

Gretchen: Men like Tiger Woods and John Edwards are sociopaths. They're often charming, but they have no morals. The rules of society are for suckers, not them. They make their own rule — which is, "If I want it, I take it."

Some of these guys want power and step over other people to get it. Some want money, and lie and scam. Some want sex and cheat repeatedly with no thought to whom they're hurting — whether it's their trusting wife, their innocent children, or their constituents or fans.

The women they have sex with aren't blameless, but these guys have lied to them, too, telling them their wives are frigid or they're getting a divorce or even that they're single. These weasels deserve nothing but contempt.

Do you have a sexual addiction? Does your partner? How do you handle it? Send your tale, along with your questions and problems to cheryllavin@aol.com. And check out my blog www.talesfromthefront.com. To find out more about Cheryl Lavin, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.

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