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All Tied Up and Nowhere to Go


Dear Cheryl,

I've gotten myself into a nutty and embarrassing situation, and I'm desperately seeking advice. I'm a vivacious, attractive woman of 29, happily married for six years with two children. My husband Rick and I have a playful and very exciting sex life. (We're both responsible professionals.) Rick's parents are very stodgy and stern but love being with their grandchildren.

Rick and I had been planning a three-day weekend by ourselves while his parents took our children to their summer home at the shore. Right on schedule, my in-laws picked up the kids at 3 p.m. and left. Perfect start!

Rick was due home from work at 5 o'clock, and I called my girlfriend Nina who lives across the street to come over for some preparation. Nina and I often do crazy things together, so she wasn't a bit flustered when I handed her a bag of ropes and told her to tie me up really good. I thought it would be an unusual turn-on if Rick came home and found me bound and gagged. I plopped a kitchen chair down in the middle of the living room, and Nina got to work.

When she was done, my arms were tied behind my back and most of me, including my legs, was tied up quite tightly. I was wearing a very provocative red sweater and jeans. We chatted a bit, and at 4:30 Nina gagged me with a kerchief and went home, undoubtedly watching from her window.

About 20 minutes later, I heard a car pulling into our driveway, heard a door slam and a sharp knock at the door, which was unlocked.

Moments later in walked my mother-in-law! (The kids naturally forgot something.) Then in came the kids and grandpa. They all stood there gaping. In another moment, Nina ran in.

While my mother-in-law was trying to get the gag out of my mouth, Nina (aware of the children) was trying to explain the "game" we were playing. Rich walked in, sized things up and began roaring with laughter, much to the annoyance his parents.

Well, grandparents, kids and Nina left pretty quickly, and Rick let me sit tight for a few minutes before we began our weekend. Needless to say, I'm in a real tizzy. It's now a month later. The kids have accepted my "silly game" explanation, but my in-laws haven't said a word and they give me strange looks.

Rick says not to worry, but I think I've become persona non grata with his parents — and I really want them to know that I'm a responsible wife and parent. How can I possibly resurrect myself to these austere people? At the moment, I'm Completely Tied Up

Dear CTU,

Let Rick handle this. They're his parents. He should be the one to tell them that you're both responsible adults who enjoy fooling around and that you'd never do anything (again) to hurt or traumatize the children, and in the future you'll be more careful.

And next time you decide to have some fun, lock the door. And always, always, always have a cell phone where you can reach it!

(No, Gentle Reader, this is not the weirdest letter I've ever gotten.)

Got a problem? Send it to And check out my blog To find out more about Cheryl Lavin, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit



1 Comments | Post Comment
This is really a scream. Saturday Night Live should do a take-off on it. Seriously, though, although CTU was acting in good fun, I can think of a million reasons why it's unwise to allow yourself to be incapacitated in any manner while alone in the house. For instance, I've had burglars break in on more than one occasion, and I live in a good neighborhood.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Madelyn
Fri Jul 30, 2010 11:32 AM
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