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A Date Without Sex -- Too Much to Ask?
We recently heard from Am I Naive or What? She's divorced and looking for a man who wants companionship, not sex. "Someone intellectually stimulating to talk to and to go to movies with."
All he has to be is "clean, over 35, under 65, reasonably pleasant to look at, confident and happy within himself who would enjoy doing things with someone of the opposite sex."
I said such a man existed. The trick was to find him. But then that's the trick for anyone who's looking for someone.
Here's what you had to say ...
Sheila: Is a date without sex too much to ask? Yes! That woman is naive. I've dated (via the Internet to meet men) for seven years. I've met many nice men, with good jobs, clean and decent, and all they want is sex for the price of a dinner or a drink.
Companionship is not on their agenda. Neither is having a relationship. I've dated men from 35 to 70, and in my experience, they're all the same. It's sad, but that's the way of the world nowadays.
Kathy: I understand the challenges that AINOW? faces in looking for a man, over 35, reasonably pleasant to look at, confident and happy within himself who would enjoy things with someone of the opposite sex without expecting sex in return.
The challenge to me is not the "without sex" part of the equation, it's the rest of it!
In the last 10 years, I've discovered that there are a growing number of men, over 35, who are poorly groomed and unhappy within themselves. They also lack confidence.
This situation causes these men to become surly, lack confidence and stop grooming themselves in that order. If a man does not actually lose his job to a woman, he still sees the trend happening to his friends and members of his family, and the cycle begins for him. In my father's day, men were disappointed and were considered a failure if they couldn't take care of their families. Men may still feel this way but are in denial, which causes the cycle to begin.
I know a number of women who support their surly, demanding, poorly groomed husbands and lovers. Although they pay the bills, they're ordered around by these unhappy, unkempt men.
If AINOW? finds one of the few men who are happy, confident and reasonably pleasant to look at, she may want to share the benefits of sex with her equal. Until then, she should just enjoy dinners and movies with her female friends.
Joe: I'm over 35, under 65, clean and not gay. I would enjoy having good conversation over a nice meal with an attractive woman. I feel spending time with someone you enjoy being with is first and foremost. I refuse to go to bars or join a dating service. I feel if it's meant to be, then it will happen. If not — so be it. I sowed my oats a while ago and would enjoy conversation and companionship.
(Sorry Readers. I can't give out Joe's information!)
How do you and your partner handle finances? Send your tale, along with your questions and problems to email@example.com. And check out my blog www.talesfromthefront.com. To find out more about Cheryl Lavin, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.
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