Sylvia Rimm on Raising Kids by Dr. Sylvia Rimm

Q: My 19-month-old daughter has recently started to wake up in the middle of the night crying and standing up in her crib. She was a great sleeper until two months ago. Our live-in nanny (in the same room as her) could sometimes pat her back to go to sleep, but after falling asleep, she starts crying again when she's back in her crib. She screams and cries loudly until she is picked up.

On the nanny's day off, our daughter sleeps in our room. For the last few weekends, she's done the same to us. She clings to me, and as soon as I sit on our bed, she dives right into the middle of our bed and falls asleep. I put her back in her crib after she's asleep. This goes on a few times a night. It appears she wants to sleep with us, which I am trying to avoid. There were also a few times when she woke up in the middle of the night and wanted to play on the floor. If her nanny doesn't pick her up, she "threatens" to climb out of her crib and is capable of doing that.

Also, putting her to bed is harder now than before. She cries unless we hold her, whereas before she fell asleep on her own. Her pediatrician says she could be dreaming and not to pick her up. However, she screams too loudly, so we pick her up. What could be the cause of this situation and is there a way to help solve it? I am five months pregnant with our second. Could that be part of the problem?

A: While I'm not sure what awakens your toddler, I am certain you can get her back in the habit of sleeping on her own. She obviously prefers sharing your bed, and while that's unlikely to do her harm, it's reasonably uncomfortable for parents and often interferes with husband/wife intimacy. Your pediatrician's advice not to take her out of the crib is appropriate.

You can pat her in the crib to comfort her for a few minutes and then leave the room.

If she sees you or her nanny in her room, she will cry continuously. If no one is in her room, she'll stop crying and fall asleep. If her crying worries you too much, you can re-enter the room after 15 minutes, pat her and leave again. The first time you try this, you'll be back and forth three or four times. Once she understands that you won't put her in your bed, she'll give up the crying and return to her old habit of falling asleep on her own.

The issue of her climbing out of the crib can complicate your handling this problem. Usually toddlers don't climb out, but if she is capable of it, it's probably time to introduce a low bed. She will enjoy the novelty of her big-girl bed. To prevent her from leaving the room, you can put a gate on the doorway. If she can climb over that, you can add a second gate above the other. That will keep her safely within her room. Once you're sure your daughter understands that she must sleep alone most of the time, you can make an occasional exception for bad dreams or thunderstorms.

I doubt if your daughter's new habit has anything to do with your pregnancy, but this is a good time to make the change, since it will definitely be more difficult to do after the baby is born. It's better to make the changeover to a bed before the baby comes so that your daughter will be accustomed to it.

For a free newsletter about raising preschoolers, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS.COM