Q: My youngest daughter is 15 years old and in the ninth grade at a challenging academic magnet school. She's doing well enough in school, but I'm concerned about her social skills. To put it bluntly, she can be a bore. She seems happy and has some friends, especially since she's been in the magnet program. I wonder how much her poor conversation skills are hurting her socially. She often rattles on and on about weird (minor) physical symptoms, e.g., "Did you hear my back pop?" She repeats herself as well. I love her dearly, but sometimes I find her hard to be around.

How can I guide her to more give-and-take in her conversations, without destroying her confidence? Her older sister is quite the opposite, by the way. (I was, and to some extent remain, shy and socially awkward myself.)

A: A fairly quiet mother and a socially effective older sister leave lots of room for your daughter to discover that she can hold the attention of others only by talking too much. While her chatter may seem boring to you, it could be typical talk of teenagers, which is boring to most adults. Parents aren't usually fascinated by teen talk. It's possible that her anecdotes might actually fit right in with teen humor. Before you assume your daughter has social-skill problems, it might be wise to ask her favorite teachers' opinions. Keep in mind that she doesn't have to rank as most popular to have decent social skills.

On the other hand, you may be exactly correct about her poor social skills, and in case you are, here are some suggestions to consider:

1) We often remind tweens and teens that conversation is a bit like playing catch. One person talks while the other listens and then they reverse roles. It's good for the second person to segue into the conversation with related information.

2) Another tip for your daughter is that in order to be interesting, you have to become interested in others. Asking people questions about what they've said shows interest and ties conversations together.

3) A publisher that has many books on social skills for girls is American Girl Publishing. Although their target audience is somewhat younger girls, if you can convince your daughter to read through some of these books with middle school cousins or friends, she'll learn a lot about how to improve her social skills.

4) Free Spirit Publishing also publishes books on social skills for girls and boys, and my book "See Jane Win for Girls" would actually be very useful for your daughter.

5) Finally, if your daughter believes she could use some help with social skills, she could benefit by some social-skills counseling sessions. An insightful counselor could provide enough pointers to teach her to talk less and listen more and even build her self-confidence in the process.

For free newsletters about building optimism and resilience in girls and/or social skills, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope for each newsletter to the address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [email protected]. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.