Q: My 12-year-old daughter is the only one of all her friends that does not have a "texting" type of phone. We got a basic phone that she can use when she needs to be in contact. Lately, she is very adamant that she wants a phone to text with. What are your recommendations? She is a good student with nice friends. Money is not the issue, but I'm concerned that we will be out of the loop with what she has going on with friends, boys, etc. Thank you.

A: Parents have many technology challenges in coping with tweens and teens, but texting is less of a problem than some. Some children overuse it, but it's not likely to be misused by strangers or sexual predators that don't have your daughter's phone number. The biggest risks are from kids who bully others or use vulgar language. Also, spending too much time texting can take time away from homework and other responsibilities.

Adolescents typically use text messages more than they actually speak on their phones. Texting is important social communication for this generation. At 12, your daughter's ready for some small amount of additional freedom matched by additional responsibility. Before you give your daughter her texting privilege, you can review some guidelines with her and explain that she can enjoy the texting as long as she follows those guidelines. I'll suggest some guidelines below, but you may want to add some of your own, specific to personal concerns.

1. Never give strangers, including tweens and teens, your telephone number. It's only to be shared with trusted friends and family.

2. Texting and studying don't go together. During homework time, the cell phone should be off or left with a parent.

3. Texting doesn't fit well with a good night of rest. Phones should be turned off before bedtime.

4. There should be absolutely no texting or reading of texts in school.

5. Don't text with anyone who uses vulgar or obscene language.

6. Tell a parent immediately if you receive any obscene or bullying text messages.

7. Do not delete any bullying messages in case a parent needs to take further action (e.g. talk to the authorities).

8. Texting privileges will be rescinded if parents see problematic changes in general behavior or achievement.

At age 12, indeed you should be a "little" out of the loop on some of your daughter's social life because she should be allowed some privacy and independence. Try to reserve plenty of one-on-one time for talking and listening to her talk about her social life and that of her friends. Don't be surprised if she asks about a "friend's" behavior when she's really trying to determine what your opinion is in regard to her own thoughts or behaviors. Keep communication lines open and think of yourself as more of a wise coach than a judging parent.

Be very clear about not using drugs and only friending appropriate kids who have good values. Keep your daughter busy and involved in extracurricular activities. Adolescents who aren't busy and involved are more likely to be sitting behind screens or involved in high-risk activities. The research for my book "Growing Up Too Fast" showed that, even before texting, middle grade students spent between four and five times as much time in front of screens than doing homework. Those who were healthfully involved in extracurricular activities spent less time in front of screens.

Monitor Internet use by placing computers in family rooms where you can keep a watchful eye on her. If you decide to allow your daughter to use social media sites, be sure she meets the age requirement of the sites and provides you with the password. Indicate that you'll check her site occasionally because you're interested in her friends' activities and also because you want to be sure she's safe. Checking once or twice a month can reassure you that a sexual predator hasn't found her.

For a free newsletter about "Growing Up Too Fast," "See Jane Win" (Crown Publishers, 1999) or "See Jane Win for Girls" (Free Spirit Publishing, 2003), send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [email protected]. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.