Social Anxiety Always Needs Help and Grade Skipping Very Effective for Some Gifted Students

Q: How do you know when social anxiety requires more attention (e.g. therapy or medication)?

A: A parent is often the first person who can help a socially anxious child. Play dates, whether at home or in a public place like a park, can provide you with ideas on how to help your child. Usually inviting one child at a time over prevents too much anxiety. Discussing beforehand the possible activities your children may choose to play with the friend can easily help them get over early anxieties.

The next person to help with your child is his or her teacher. Ask if it appears that your daughter (or son) has friends in school. Share with the teacher your concerns about their social anxiety. You could also ask the teacher if she notices particular children who might be good friends for your child.

If play dates aren't working out well despite your efforts and if the teacher is describing your child as a loner, it's time to consider counseling. Individual counseling is most helpful at first. Following up with group counseling, if possible, can be beneficial. Also, if the child you have questions about is already in adolescence, skip the first two steps, and go immediately to counseling for help, even if the adolescent isn't acknowledging the problem.

Some children like to spend a fair amount of time alone, and they're contented, interested and interesting, but not necessarily lonely or socially anxious. It's important for you to respect a child's wish to be less social than other children, as long as their aloneness isn't a mask for loneliness. As you can see, your brief question isn't an easy one to answer.

For a free newsletter about social skills, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below.

Q: What are the social and emotional implications for gifted students skipping grades?

A: Despite the negative expectations that surround grade skipping by many teachers and parents, grade skipping one year and sometimes even many, is actually an ideal experience for some highly gifted students. It not only encourages more effort and stronger achievement, it also improves self-confidence and often helps friendship. Highly gifted children may actually get along with older children better than their age mates.

While it may take the grade-skipping child a few weeks of slight stress to adjust to new class expectations, the confidence that comes with the adjustment is more than worthwhile. The experience of worrying about a challenge and then discovering one can meet that by one's own efforts, is very emotionally rewarding and encourages students to search for further challenges.

The research findings on grade and subject skipping are discussed in an excellent two-volume set, "A Nation Deceived," which is available on the Internet at http://bit.ly/eSSnDt. The research also makes it clear that grade skipping is only appropriate for a small percentage of students who have been carefully evaluated for both academic and social-emotional readiness. For those who are appropriately grade skipped, it's a cost efficient and extremely effective way to provide them with the appropriate education and a terrible waste of resources to keep them in grades where they learn little.

Often people see grade skipping as problematic because those students who are grade skipped may be very different than average children and don't fit as well with children in general, until they reach college and find likeminded scholars. Middle and high school can cause these children to feel lonely whether or not they've been grade skipped.

For a free newsletter about the gifted child, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [email protected]. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.