Sylvia Rimm on Raising Kids by Dr. Sylvia Rimm

Q: My son always hangs out with a kid who is dirty and smells bad. I know it's not the kid's fault, but what should I do? Should I tell my son to make other friends?

A: You're undoubtedly correct that your son's friend may not be responsible for his cleanliness habits. Your own son may not even notice the problem. You don't want to penalize the child for his parents not caring for him well, but your son could suffer by association. If the boy's behavior is good and kind, he could remain one of your son's friends. It's good for your son to make other friends as well.

In the meantime, make an effort to meet this boy's mother. That may give you more insight about his parenting and help you to determine if he's an appropriate friend for your son. You've not mentioned your son's age, but at every age, children's friends influence them. And at every age, you do want to teach your children to make friends with good values.

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Boy Thinks that Fast Means Smart

Q: I have a 9-year-old son who is in a hurry to be the first to finish his work. He does a careless job in class work and tests. His teacher asks him to slow down all the time but to no effect. He ends up not seeing questions or misunderstanding questions and getting the wrong answers. What can I do to get him to slow down?

Thanks in advance for the help.

A: While your son may only be in a hurry to get his work done so he can get out to recess, it's more likely that he equates fast work with being highly intelligent. It's a normal misconception because children hear adults exclaim how smart they are when they catch onto things quickly.

Many people actually assume fast thinking is intelligent thinking.

When I asked a fourth-grade boy in my clinic how smart he thought he was compared to other kids in the class, his response was that he was fifth from the bottom. Then I asked him why he concluded that placement, and he said, "because when I get done, there are still four more kids who aren't done yet." It's helpful when parents and teachers remind children that some skills do have to be learned quickly, like the addition and subtraction facts, but other skills, like writing a good story, may take a very long time. Either way, if too much speed causes mistakes, it won't be good work.

If it's any comfort to you, there are many children who rush through their work and there are probably more boys than girls who use this rushed approach. Reminding your son to take pride in the quality of his work will help, but it may strain your patience, because you'll probably have to repeat your reminder a few dozen times before it sinks in. If the teacher regularly gives this same message to the entire class, and not specifically to your son, it will also help all the students. She, too, will need to repeat her messages multiple times.

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Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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