Sylvia Rimm on Raising Kids by Dr. Sylvia Rimm

Q: My son has organizational problems. I've tried to help him for a long time, but I don't see any improvement. He really likes video and computer games. How can we stop him from playing so many video games and help him with his organization? Thank you so much!

A: Most children need to learn to organize themselves as they mature and schools continue to give them more responsibility. Teaching them organizational habits takes time and patience and has to take place both at home and school. First and foremost, it's important to be a role model for organizing. As you organize yourself with lists and routines, you demonstrate to your children the value of organizing. Sometimes that involves talking aloud to yourself so children understand how you think through your planning.

It works best if both parents demonstrate organization and neither parent fights the other's organizational plan. So, for example, if you, as his mother, are well organized, but your husband is disrespectful or resentful of your organizational ideas, your son is likely to automatically be disrespectful of your efforts as well. That could possibly be one reason for lack of improvement. Thus if your husband either accepted your plans or if he modeled good plans himself, your son would be more likely to make efforts to organize himself.

The second step to improving organization is specifically demonstrating to your son what he has to do. After you demonstrate, you could ask him to show you what he should do. And finally, when he shows you several times that he can organize a task successfully, he should be ready to manage his organization alone with a checklist to guide him. Praise for his good organization should follow to reinforce his confidence and help him form good habits.

Organization is not only one task.

There are many parts to organization, which makes the task even more complex. I've included a list of the parts of organization to help you identify which elements need correction and assistance. These are described in my newsletter with more details for each part:

1. Putting like things together

2. Predicting time

3. Scheduling

4. Remembering

5. Prioritizing

6. Eliminating

7. Reviewing

8. Establishing good habits

9. Maintaining flexibility

Your question about video and computer games is easier to answer, but not necessarily easier to cope with. In my research study for the book "Growing Up Too Fast," I found that boys spent five times as much time in front of screens as doing homework. That included computer and television screens — not cell phones or movies. Putting a limit of no more than an hour a day for video games makes good sense. Also, the games should follow homework and chores, rather than coming first.

If you enforce that rule, your son can enjoy games without overdoing his playing. You'll need to be sure he's engaged in extracurricular and outdoor activities, or you'll find the rule difficult to enforce.

For free newsletters about the parts of organization or the book "Growing Up Too Fast," send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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