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Helping Over-Empowered High-School Students Is Not Easy
Q: My question is related to my role as a high-school teacher. I have my master's in special education with a concentration on students with emotional disabilities. I've taught for the last 15 years as either a special education or English teacher, …Read more.
When Should a Child be IQ Tested? and Death Is Frightening to Children
Q: At what point should IQ testing be conducted? We have an only child — a girl who is in kindergarten.
A: There's no specific time that all children should be given individual IQ tests by a psychologist. Schools often arrange for group IQ …Read more.
Grandson May be More Difficult During Grandma's Visit
Q: I'm concerned about my 2-year-old grandson who seems very needy and demanding. He cries for at least an hour after his mom leaves. Occasionally, distraction works but not often. He says, "It's mine" over and over about everything in his …Read more.
The Paradox of Late Reading and Student Must Make Careful Investment
Q: I have a 7-year-old son who is not reading yet. He has five older brothers in gifted programs, and he's up to par with them when they were age 7, other than reading. Do I wait until he reads well to have him tested?
A: Although very bright …Read more.
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Needy Granddaughter May Feel DethronedQ: My 6-year-old granddaughter and her parents welcomed twin brothers to their family about 18 months ago. She is completing kindergarten and successful at many activities, but she bites her nails waiting for her turn at gymnastics, on the soccer field, and at times when she's in activities with other children. Although a good student and successful in school, her teacher described her as "needy," which we interpret to mean "needs support, asks for assurance." She's always been a good sleeper, but lately isn't sleeping well and describes fears ... any advice? A: As your granddaughter's twin brothers walk, talk and attract a larger share of attention, she may feel less noticed or could even feel totally rejected. With the challenges of being at school all day, her anxiety has undoubtedly increased. If she's always been an anxious child, the attention to her brothers may only be increasing her worries. But if before they were born she was much more relaxed and happy and has only changed since the boys arrived, she's suffering from more extreme sibling rivalry that I've named "dethronement." Either way, some daily one-to-one attention by mom or dad, without her brothers, will do much to ease her tension and help her feel like the "big girl" in the household. Grandma, you could also help by taking her on weekly excursions that are exclusively hers. Also be sensitive to the referential talk — adult talk about your granddaughter within her hearing. If she hears conversations about her jealousy or anxiety, she's likely to believe she can't control them. On the other hand, if she hears adult talk about kindness to her brothers and her independence and maturity, she'll live up to those characteristics. If her signs of anxiety don't ease, a psychological evaluation would be appropriate. For free newsletters about welcoming new siblings, sibling rivalry, dethronement or referential talk, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below. Girl Doesn't Like Mother's Boyfriend Q: My 12-year-old daughter has recently expressed that she wants to live with her dad.
A: You could start by talking to your daughter about her worries about your new boyfriend. While you shouldn't empower her to make the decision about who you choose to partner with, she may have some insights about him that you don't. It's also possible that he isn't nice to her when you're not around, and you should be aware of that. Other possible motives may come from her dad's environment. For example, he may have fewer rules for her, so she may find life easier with him. If he's not seeing other women, she may prefer getting one-to-one attention with him. If you have a good relationship with your ex-husband and respect his parenting, you could give your daughter some flexibility — let her stay longer with him and leave the number of days open. In that way, your daughter can feel comfortable about moving between homes. If you can have a reasonable conversation with your ex-husband and can set up similar guidelines in both homes, your daughter can enjoy both places, but won't be allowed to use her power to threaten your relationship with your new partner. You'd also benefit from a counseling session with your ex to determine what might be best for your daughter. For a free newsletter about helping children cope after a divorce, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS.COM
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