Sylvia Rimm on Raising Kids by Dr. Sylvia Rimm

Q: My son is almost 3 and I still breast-feed him. When I'm around, he doesn't let anyone else touch him or do anything for him. He won't let others wash him, dress him or pick him up. I love him to bits and was wondering if this is normal. He goes to a half-day program at a Montessori school. He has a wonderful nanny, and she and my mom are around all the time.

He tires me out, so how can I handle this? I still breast-feed him during the night, but would like to stop. What would be the best way to discontinue breast-feeding him? I tried putting sour things on my nipples and bandaged them, but nothing works.

A: While it's not unusual for a mom to be a child's favorite at age 3, there's no reason that your mom and your nanny can't share some responsibilities with you. Also, there's no reason you shouldn't stop breast-feeding if you're ready for that transition. You've given your son the healthy start he deserves. He's also old enough to understand your explanations of why it's time to discontinue breast-feeding. Explain to him that he's too old to be breast-fed, and while he may enjoy it, he's old enough to drink from a cup now. If he cries during the night and says he's thirsty, offer him a cup of milk. Gradually, water the milk down so that he eventually is only thirsty for water.

Dentists indicate that drinking milk before bedtime or during the night without brushing teeth afterward can lead to greater risk of cavities. Most 3-year- olds sleep through the night without food or water and your son can, too. He'll cry the first night you deny him your breast, but if you comfort him in his bed or offer him milk or water, he'll soon stop.

After a few nights, he won't even awaken, and you both can get a good night's sleep.

The same firm positive approach will work for having nanny or grandma share in his care. Explain to your son that you're too tired on a particular day or evening, and grandma has offered to take over his bath. Then, take a walk or go visit a neighbor or friend where you can't hear your son cry and he can't see you. After his other caretaker explains that you're not around but will be back later, he'll settle in for a friendly bath with others who love him. He'll be delighted to see you when you return, but don't make the mistake of appearing too quickly — he'll assume that his crying has been effective in summoning you. You can explain that you and grandma or the nanny take turns, so that everyone has fun with him and everyone gets a rest.

In order for you to help your son adjust gradually to his new independence, don't make all the changes at once. First, discontinue the breast-feeding. After a week or so, you can introduce the idea of adults taking turns bathing him. Gradually, he'll feel more comfortable with those who love him, although you will undoubtedly remain a favorite during his entire childhood.

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Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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