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Medical Resident Has Little Time for Family
Q: My husband is a medical resident and works more than 10 hours a day and often on weekends. We have a 3-year-old and a 1-year-old, and I often feel like a single parent. My children (especially the 3-year-old) are old enough to notice. Do you have …Read more.
Sister Competition Is Normal
Q: I'm trying to take your advice about encouraging my daughters so we can be a "whole, smart family," but it's not working. My 6-year-old daughter's very good at art, for example, and my 5-year-old's fixated on trying to be as good. No …Read more.
Teen May Have Poor Social Skills
Q: My youngest daughter is 15 years old and in the ninth grade at a challenging academic magnet school. She's doing well enough in school, but I'm concerned about her social skills. To put it bluntly, she can be a bore. She seems happy and has some …Read more.
Daughter Fearful When Tested
Q: Could you tell me what affects what a child considers to be a bad grade and how she reacts to it? I also wonder why my daughter sometimes says she "blanks" on tests, even if she's studied. Do you think she has test anxiety, and is that …Read more.
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Investigate Potential AbuseQ: My 5-year-old daughter recently tried to kiss a boy in an after-school program. When the boy refused her, she tried to kick him in his privates. My husband had a long talk about how this was wrong and inappropriate. The next day, she tried to kiss a boy on his "pee-pee," again was refused, and she kicked him also. She has never, ever behaved this way. I am perplexed as to how she equates love or affection by kissing a pee-pee. How could she get this idea? I am especially embarrassed by her after-school behavior, as I am a high school teacher. She has been challenging us at home as well by not doing small requests when asked and disobeying direct requests, such as stay in your room or sit on the couch. We want to know how to get through to her that these behaviors are unacceptable, and we need to know the appropriate punishments. We are horrified at her behavior and want this to stop immediately. We have a 6-year-old son and an 18-year-old son in the military. Their grandmother (we were close) died 12 weeks ago from cancer. Our daughter misses her grandma and brother, and talks about them both. She does not watch inappropriate TV and has not witnessed inappropriate behaviors at home. Could you please advise? We would be very grateful. A: Five-year-olds don't try to kiss a boy's penis unless they've seen it done. No doubt it is embarrassing and frightening, too. Stay as calm as possible, but do take this seriously. It's possible that your 6-year-old son or another child in preschool has taught her this game, but it's also possible that she's been abused by an adult, so you'll have to rule out all possibilities. Her daddy's long talk was the correct first approach reviewing the concept of good touching and bad touching.
Once you discover the cause of the problem, it's not likely to take long to discourage your daughter from touching others. Taking away one of her favorite toys until she stops is likely to be enough to make your enforcement clear. If she does this during the after-school program, they can time her out by herself for 15 minutes and communicate with you. For free newsletters about “How to Parent so Children Will Learn” (Great Potential Press, 2008) or bullying, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS.COM
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