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Helping Over-Empowered High-School Students Is Not Easy
Q: My question is related to my role as a high-school teacher. I have my master's in special education with a concentration on students with emotional disabilities. I've taught for the last 15 years as either a special education or English teacher, …Read more.
When Should a Child be IQ Tested? and Death Is Frightening to Children
Q: At what point should IQ testing be conducted? We have an only child — a girl who is in kindergarten.
A: There's no specific time that all children should be given individual IQ tests by a psychologist. Schools often arrange for group IQ …Read more.
Grandson May be More Difficult During Grandma's Visit
Q: I'm concerned about my 2-year-old grandson who seems very needy and demanding. He cries for at least an hour after his mom leaves. Occasionally, distraction works but not often. He says, "It's mine" over and over about everything in his …Read more.
The Paradox of Late Reading and Student Must Make Careful Investment
Q: I have a 7-year-old son who is not reading yet. He has five older brothers in gifted programs, and he's up to par with them when they were age 7, other than reading. Do I wait until he reads well to have him tested?
A: Although very bright …Read more.
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Attention Addiction May Be Only Child's ProblemQ. My daughter is 4 years old. Her father and I separated a year ago. Although it's been incredibly stressful for me, I've shielded her from most of it. She gets lots of attention and behaves very well around others — they always comment how sweet, happy, intelligent and pretty she is. She sees her father regularly and we are very pleasant around her. I don't want to repeat my parents' constant yelling and fighting. My daughter attends a Montessori preschool daily and has issues with school. I wonder if she misses me so much because as an older, single, part-time working mom, we've spent so much time together and are so close. My daughter is a perfectionist and has temper tantrums. Today she raged about not wanting to go to school. She finally admitted she wanted a break from the "movable alphabet" but didn't want to tell the teacher. The teacher told me that my daughter is a year ahead in reading and math. That's nice but I'm concerned about my daughter getting stomachaches from stress to keep up with the older kids. If she feels she can't learn a computer game quickly enough or doesn't like the way she drew something she tantrums. I walk away or make her go to her room. Some mornings when she doesn't feel like going to school she'll do things to make us late. I lose my cool and apologize to her afterward. Then she cries, apologizes, we discuss it, hug and kiss and say how much we love each other. How can I tone down this stress level? A. The high praise and attention that your only child receives can become addicting and can cause pressure. If she hears she knows as much as children a year older than her, she may not only take pride in that but also assume that she must keep up with older children. Her closeness with you may cause her to miss you, but she could be feeling pressure about sharing adult attention, not collecting as much praise as she's accustomed to, and feeling fearful that she may not be the smartest.
While apologies are appropriate for both of you when you lose your temper, your apologies and "I love you's" may be a ritual that your daughter uses to control you. Suggest instead that because she's getting to be such a "big girl," she can be more independent. Review her morning responsibilities and picture them on a chart. Have her check off accomplishments and meet for breakfast together when she's done. If she's not ready when you are, she can finish her breakfast in the car, but don't let her detain you. Setting a timer will motivate her. You can put stickers on her chart for each day she gets ready independently without you having to nag or scold her. As to her wish not to do activities in school, remind her that all children are expected to participate to the best of their abilities, but she need not worry about being the best in the class — only her best. Try to make your time together fun —play games, do crafts and enjoy each other. Be sure that you encourage her to do her own activities while you do your own, so she isn't continually dependent on your attention. For a free newsletter about the pressures bright children feel, send a large self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094, read "The Pressures Bright Children Feel," or submit a family question at www.sylviarimm.com. Dr. Rim responds to all questions submitted. Dr. Sylvia B. Rim is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rim on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.
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