Sylvia Rimm on Raising Kids by Dr. Sylvia Rimm

Q. I am a mother of four wonderful kids: an 8-year-old girl and three boys, a 6-year-old, a 4-year-old and a 3-year-old. I am in the middle of a divorce from their biological father after nine years. I separated from him about a year and a half ago because he was controlling and abusive to me and was never really a father to the kids and still isn't.

I am now in a relationship with a very wonderful guy that treats my kids like they were his own. We moved to a new state that is a few thousand miles from all of my family and closer to his family. The kids seem to be adjusting well.

My question is about my 4-year-old son. He was a grandma's boy before we moved and got all of my mother's attention compared to the rest of my kids. Now he gets up in the middle of the night, and during the day and just about all of the time, get into things that he shouldn't (food, drinks, candy, scissors, tape, glue, etc.). My boyfriend and I have tried everything that we can think of to get him to stop but nothing seems to work. He learned some of it from his older brother. When we got his older brother to stop getting up at night and into things, a month later my 4 year old started the same thing. My oldest son has ADHD and we think that my 4 year old might have it also and are considering having him tested. Until we have him tested we are looking for help and any suggestions on how to possibly get my 4-year-old son to stop getting into things. I am literally at my wit's end. Please help with any suggestions.

A.

Your children are experiencing adjustment problems from both the divorce and their move, so you'll need to be patient. Surely your 4 year old misses his grandmom and sees his older brother's behavior as a way to get your attention. I can't comment on whether he has ADHD, but it could be very helpful for you to visit with a psychologist for an evaluation of the unusual behavior. Four year olds don't typically get up in the middle of the night to get into trouble although daytime explorations shouldn't surprise you. At least, during the day, you can firmly time him out in his room for breaking rules you have established. You might be able to arrange some telephone calls with his grandmom to encourage improved behavior if you're on good terms with her. A sticker reward for good mornings, good afternoons and good nights could also work to help him feel like he can receive positive attention for behaving.

For free newsletters about discipline, moving, or helping kids cope with divorce, send a large self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094. Read Dr. Rimm's Parenting Articles or submit family questions online at www.sylviarimm.com. All submitted questions are answered.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.