Womanstrong by Susan Deitz on Creators.com

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As Is DEAR SUSAN: I guess that at this stage of life (age 63), I'm willing to be the exact same man a woman wants, as long as that doesn't involve change. Sounds kind of selfish at first hearing, but I expect to return the favor — or not find her …Read more. Courage DEAR SUSAN: If, as you believe, courage is the passport from old stale patterns, then only the brave are sure to get their dreams fulfilled. But if the answers to our questions are inside us, why don't we just take a peek? — From the …Read more. Sorting Sex, Part 1 The best way to do these questions justice is to read them through in one sitting, let them marinate awhile and then read them again and give your responses. Some may trigger immediate responses; others take more thought. But however you approach …Read more. Woman Defined DEAR SUSAN: You asked us whether men and women can be friends or whether they're too dissimilar. I find that men I've already had relationships with may continue to be friends with me — but at an arm's length. The emotional closeness in a …Read more.

Womanstrong

DEAR SUSAN: Your quiz question about whether strong, assertive women turn men off made me write to you. Even men with assertive, strong mothers seem to like women who are bubbly and interesting without being too independent. Often, it is hard for me to find a man willing to argue with me or be assertive to the same degree as my female friends. Men seem to want women to be positive/upbeat always, to go with the flow, not to make waves or be difficult. The only men who have allowed me to act at the same level of assertion I use with my female friends have either let me walk all over them or been "whipped." No matter how I act in the classroom or the office, when I am in an intimate relationship, I feel as if I must tone down my behavior and not be too confident, decided, decisive, firm, forceful, forward, insistent, self-assured, self-confident and strong-willed. Men seem to let me choose the restaurant, but, for example, even though I know quite a bit about wine, my man wants to be the one who chooses it, and I'd be out of bounds to insist on helping him. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: This blond head — sitting as it does on some pretty competent flesh — is nodding strong agreement with your observations about men as insecure diminishers. But please don't lump all men into that all-important category. You may have to compromise on the cut of his jaw or the color of his eyes, but use your instincts to lead you to the man who allows — no, encourages — his woman to express herself, to be all she can be and to be a competitor when appropriate.

I've found that different men bring out different facets of myself, and at this point, I'm quick to run from any who make me feel weak and powerless, who need my neck to stand on to feel tall. It's been a long slog up the mountain to full personhood, and I sure ain't ready to surrender the momentum. Strong women are known to be among the most feminine, the most intelligent, the sexiest of partners, and they are clever enough to partner with generosity of spirit.

DEAR SUSAN: Among other things, you write about being careful with our beloveds. Do you mean walking on eggshells or what? — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Happy to lay it all out for you — what it is and is not. In the years since I was in touch with the man who uttered that wisdom (confided to me one evening at the opera, without fanfare or folderol), I haven't heard advice for sustaining love that has come closer to perfection. That one word, careful, seems to encompass the essential nutrients of lasting love: affection, respect and fellowship. Carefulness has nothing to do with walking on eggshells or being intimidated of one's love partner. It is the antidote for the carelessness, the sloppiness you hear every day within couples who have been together a long time and who know each other's foibles and weaknesses. Passage of time can account for so many unions eroding to the point of warfare and near contempt. At some point in the relationship, they stopped being vigilant, electing instead to use their familiarity to demean the other. They are, in a word, sloppy. They use gross words and insults because they care less. In that thoughtlessness, they no longer make an effort to be careful about the words they spew at their partner; any old word will do. Be careful to show your regard for your other.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at sumor123@aol.com.