Recently
Toxic Confusion
DEAR SUSAN: Just recently, I told a female friend my true feelings about her. She said she wished I hadn't because she's seeing someone. Now I'm confused. Does she wish I didn't tell her because it could cause a problem with her current relationship …Read more.
Skin-Deep Romance
DEAR SUSAN: After a 15-year marriage, I'm dating again. The man is good-looking and sincere and has a great sense of humor. But in his youth, he was into motorcycling and drinking (he's 47), and he has tattoos that almost cover his arms. He's gentle …Read more.
Forward March!
DEAR SUSAN: I know this is the 21st century, but my roots are in the 1950s, and dating etiquette has me stymied. I just spent the weekend with a friend who is becoming more than a friend, and that's the dilemma. Distance keeps us from seeing each …Read more.
Fears and Habit
DEAR SUSAN: I know a thing or two about dead-end relationships. I dated a woman for 10 years who loved and needed me but wouldn't marry. It got to the point where I finally decided the relationship was holding me back in life, mostly because of my …Read more.
more articles
|
Why Ask Me?DEAR SUSAN: I met a very special lady and for weeks have been trying to start something between us. She's a single mother of two and very religious. (I don't share her religious beliefs.) I'm very independent, but she relies on her parents, friends and church. Should I continue to try, or should I forget her, knowing her church and family would never accept me? — Tommy C., Long Island, N.Y. DEAR TOMMY: Why ask me, when you've laid out in writing the impossible dream? This young mother may be special, but I can't see what special qualities she can put into your life. She's not of the same religion (I sense you're not a believer); she's a leaner, while you stand tall; she has children (who'd be devastated if she made an incompatible alliance); her folks and her faith are diametrically opposed to everything you represent. (Merely.) Aside from that, gentle Tom, you've chosen well. With all the (huge) factors on the negative side of the equation, I can't fathom why you still think there's a possibility for a relationship to even get off the ground (which is probably why it isn't). Where are your friends and family, who can speak logic into your tender young ears? Where is your own sense, the common kind? This fragile young woman knows a Don Quixote when she sees one, so she's staying away. With a vengeance. Unless you have a death wish (a strong one), cease and desist all efforts in her direction. Over and out. OPEN LETTER TO A BOOK LOVER: Your request for a copy of my book "Single File" means a lot to me — even more because you want it for your daughter. DEAR SUSAN: Someone I'm seeing has been mentioning marriage. He says a relationship can work if both people communicate their needs. I agree, but I feel he's not living up to his words. He's OK at communicating his needs — and I do my best to fill them — but I feel he isn't holding up his part of the agreement. I've told him some needs of mine, but he hasn't followed through at all. I'm frustrated, but I'm not sure this is a valid reason to get out of the relationship. Am I asking too much from him too soon? Is this a warning sign? — Marisa J., Moline, Ill. DEAR MARISA: Well, it's definitely not a love sign. And since when does your reason for exiting require validation? It's not a parking ticket, girl! The level of your frustration is reason enough to take a timeout. No great drama scene, please, simply a firm, clear declaration of intent to separate — without tears, if you can pull it off. This has been working on you for a while now, and separation seems to be the best prescription. It may (or may not) be temporary, but until this man gets his act together and realizes your needs equal his happiness, it's time to split. This could be the lesson of his life. It could also be yours. Having too many "I feel" sentences in one letter signals insecurity and lack of self-confidence. This may be your time to stand alone and roar. Write to Susan Deitz in care of this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS.COM
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
