Recently
Digging
DEAR SUSAN: My definition of singlehood is not having a significant other. I'm reminded of my own singleness every day when I see couples together — contrasted with the way singles are treated. I personally have no desire to stay unmarried. …Read more.
Common Cause
DEAR SUSAN: I find that most angry/bitter single people are that way because they are trying to date "up" instead of looking for someone who has more in common with them financially and in terms of appearance and fitness. Think about it! …Read more.
Give It a Chance
DEAR SUSAN: I am currently going through a divorce and have been amused to see all the resistance to Internet dating. I met the best person on a dating website and couldn't be happier. (I had four dates within a month of signing up; he had three in …Read more.
Core Singleness
Core singleness, the individuality that makes you deliciously one of a kind, has little to do with marital status. Its essence is within all of us, a mixture of genes and chromosomes, with a dash of subliminal impressions and choices thrown in. But …Read more.
more articles
|
Why Ask Me?DEAR SUSAN: I met a very special lady and for weeks have been trying to start something between us. She's a single mother of two and very religious. (I don't share her religious beliefs.) I'm very independent, but she relies on her parents, friends and church. Should I continue to try, or should I forget her, knowing her church and family would never accept me? — Tommy C., Long Island, N.Y. DEAR TOMMY: Why ask me, when you've laid out in writing the impossible dream? This young mother may be special, but I can't see what special qualities she can put into your life. She's not of the same religion (I sense you're not a believer); she's a leaner, while you stand tall; she has children (who'd be devastated if she made an incompatible alliance); her folks and her faith are diametrically opposed to everything you represent. (Merely.) Aside from that, gentle Tom, you've chosen well. With all the (huge) factors on the negative side of the equation, I can't fathom why you still think there's a possibility for a relationship to even get off the ground (which is probably why it isn't). Where are your friends and family, who can speak logic into your tender young ears? Where is your own sense, the common kind? This fragile young woman knows a Don Quixote when she sees one, so she's staying away. With a vengeance. Unless you have a death wish (a strong one), cease and desist all efforts in her direction. Over and out. OPEN LETTER TO A BOOK LOVER: Your request for a copy of my book "Single File" means a lot to me — even more because you want it for your daughter.
DEAR SUSAN: Someone I'm seeing has been mentioning marriage. He says a relationship can work if both people communicate their needs. I agree, but I feel he's not living up to his words. He's OK at communicating his needs — and I do my best to fill them — but I feel he isn't holding up his part of the agreement. I've told him some needs of mine, but he hasn't followed through at all. I'm frustrated, but I'm not sure this is a valid reason to get out of the relationship. Am I asking too much from him too soon? Is this a warning sign? — Marisa J., Moline, Ill. DEAR MARISA: Well, it's definitely not a love sign. And since when does your reason for exiting require validation? It's not a parking ticket, girl! The level of your frustration is reason enough to take a timeout. No great drama scene, please, simply a firm, clear declaration of intent to separate — without tears, if you can pull it off. This has been working on you for a while now, and separation seems to be the best prescription. It may (or may not) be temporary, but until this man gets his act together and realizes your needs equal his happiness, it's time to split. This could be the lesson of his life. It could also be yours. Having too many "I feel" sentences in one letter signals insecurity and lack of self-confidence. This may be your time to stand alone and roar. Write to Susan Deitz in care of this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS.COM
|
||||||||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
