Recently
Interplay
DEAR SUSAN: No disrespect intended, but as a happily married woman, I have a take on fellow blogger J's situation: J, I've seen many of your posts, and in my eyes, you sound entitled and desperate. You constantly make references to …Read more.
Single Land
DEAR SUSAN: One of my fellow bloggers still seems a bit upset that he hasn't found a keeper yet. Well, I was in the same position he is. In fact, I have been in "single land" since 2007 and most likely will be for the rest of my time. But …Read more.
Digging
DEAR SUSAN: My definition of singlehood is not having a significant other. I'm reminded of my own singleness every day when I see couples together — contrasted with the way singles are treated. I personally have no desire to stay unmarried. …Read more.
Common Cause
DEAR SUSAN: I find that most angry/bitter single people are that way because they are trying to date "up" instead of looking for someone who has more in common with them financially and in terms of appearance and fitness. Think about it! …Read more.
more articles
|
The Litmus TestDEAR SUSAN: I'm a single dad with three great sons, and my question is: Why is it that women are afraid to go out with me? I often get the impression they think I'm looking for a "mom" for my sons. They don't seem to realize that the boys already have a mother and I want a partner for myself. Funny thing, I thought men were the ones afraid of commitment! Incidentally, I'm not fat, bald or ugly, and I have a very good job. So what's the deal? — Josh J., Long Island, N.Y. DEAR JOSH: The deal is that being a single parent is a very big deal. Once you have children, you HAVE them. For a lifetime (if you're lucky), 24/7. So whether your sons have a mom or not — on or off the premises — being a dad is still very much part of your résumé (if you do it right, which I assume you will). Of course you need a partner, a lover, a friend and live-in ally, but she's only part of the picture. So your prospective "dates" (silly word) take the measure of the man. (You.) Women are the more practical ones, and in this particular plotline, they're showing their true colors. You look good, and your earning power is adequate, but — gasp — you come with three little souls in tow. It's a mixed blessing in minor ways but an enormous chance to separate female fluff from substance. The woman who engages with your sons, who actually creates moments of fun and loving in their company, will turn out to be the right kind of partner for you. Why, you ask? The answer seems self-evident: The warmth she brings and the lovingness she radiates are part of her persona.
DEAR SUSAN: I'm writing to you about Jennifer J., who agreed to go back with her sex-only boyfriend and is now complaining about his having sex with other women. How dare you talk about his scruples and emotional level, downgrading him as if he were being dishonest! She agreed to his demands and, by the way, said she had slept with someone else. But that's OK, right? Your response sounds pathetically immature; you should get off your "hate men" bandwagon and stop reliving your own past relationships. "Single File" is one-sided. It's about time someone wrote about the right side: the men's side. — Chris H., Moline, Ill. DEAR CHRIS: Sigh. Your white-hot rage must come from some other place. So let's look coolly at Jennifer's drama and my response. She's female, unhappy enough to write in, and totally at sea about her relationship with this little boy, who is not at all a friend. Agreed, she consented to continue sleeping with him as the cost of keeping him in her life. But as time goes on, she's feeling pretty lousy about herself. (It's her emotional needs I'm addressing when I say that the fellow is using her in the worst way, that her instincts are sending a message, that she should listen and leave. That doesn't say she's pure and innocent, only that she no longer enjoys the compromises she's making to stay with this man and that she'll feel a lot better when she's out of it. (Ask yourself why my words ignited such fury. The answer might surprise you.) Write to Susan Deitz in care of this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS.COM
|
||||||||||||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
