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Interplay
DEAR SUSAN: No disrespect intended, but as a happily married woman, I have a take on fellow blogger J's situation: J, I've seen many of your posts, and in my eyes, you sound entitled and desperate. You constantly make references to …Read more.
Single Land
DEAR SUSAN: One of my fellow bloggers still seems a bit upset that he hasn't found a keeper yet. Well, I was in the same position he is. In fact, I have been in "single land" since 2007 and most likely will be for the rest of my time. But …Read more.
Digging
DEAR SUSAN: My definition of singlehood is not having a significant other. I'm reminded of my own singleness every day when I see couples together — contrasted with the way singles are treated. I personally have no desire to stay unmarried. …Read more.
Common Cause
DEAR SUSAN: I find that most angry/bitter single people are that way because they are trying to date "up" instead of looking for someone who has more in common with them financially and in terms of appearance and fitness. Think about it! …Read more.
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The GameFunny thing about this game of dating, the name doesn't square with reality. And anyone who's been single for more than 10 minutes will agree that it doesn't qualify as a "game," which implies casual fun and broad smiles — and total removal from the world of care. Hoo-ha. It just ain't so — and never will be. The first date is a sure bet for two aspirins, and that's just thinking about it. As for games, well, the only ones associated with dating are the mind games the unsure can play on the unschooled. Deep, deep sigh from one who's been there. Dating, in my book, is a necessary evil, somewhat like the old torture rack and the stocks for Puritan bad boys. Yet some women STILL see men as meal tickets, bodies to have alongside at social events, disposable the minute they make moves to jump our poor defenseless bones. Ha! At least that last bit of nonsense can be tossed into the trash heap; at least one fiction can be dispelled by yours truly. The bottom line? Most men do NOT head out for a first date expecting sex. How can I be so certain? They told me so in their responses to my survey. Yes, it was a while ago, but between you and me, the male psyche is pretty much unchanged. Actually, it has become TOO easily intimidated, as proved by television commercials and sitcoms. It saddens and enrages me, and I go to bat for men and the respect that's due to them every chance I get. Now, let's swerve back to men as bone jumpers. They're definitely miscast. But both genders can make this dating ritual more fun and less harrowing by easing up on the formal stuff and deliberately making their dating lives much more casual.
Put dating on the back burner. Not for all time, but for a few weeks. Even (gasp) a month or two. I dare you. See what else this old world holds for you. Think of the sea change this would make in your life — no more Sunday morning regrets, no more regrets for what you did or didn't do and say, no more time wasted sitting by the phone, no more wasted time waiting for e-mail that never comes. Develop, cultivate and avidly pursue your interests, your passions, your curiosity. Find out what else is going on in your community, in your house of worship, in your own mind! With the pressure of finding dates lifted, you'll at last be able to tune in to your thoughts and find out where you're headed in life, in your work, in your family relationships. Do an oral history of someone elderly whom you respect and admire; the older generations have a lot to tell us, if only we'd stop the world and listen respectfully. Good people will fall into your life when you're busy doing something besides dating. Just do it. Write to Susan Deitz in care of this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2010 CREATORS.COM
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