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Interplay
DEAR SUSAN: No disrespect intended, but as a happily married woman, I have a take on fellow blogger J's situation: J, I've seen many of your posts, and in my eyes, you sound entitled and desperate. You constantly make references to …Read more.
Single Land
DEAR SUSAN: One of my fellow bloggers still seems a bit upset that he hasn't found a keeper yet. Well, I was in the same position he is. In fact, I have been in "single land" since 2007 and most likely will be for the rest of my time. But …Read more.
Digging
DEAR SUSAN: My definition of singlehood is not having a significant other. I'm reminded of my own singleness every day when I see couples together — contrasted with the way singles are treated. I personally have no desire to stay unmarried. …Read more.
Common Cause
DEAR SUSAN: I find that most angry/bitter single people are that way because they are trying to date "up" instead of looking for someone who has more in common with them financially and in terms of appearance and fitness. Think about it! …Read more.
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Sex Ed Teacher SpeaksDEAR SUSAN: I am a retired teacher who taught sex education AND abstinence for many years. I don't understand the "or" between them; it's not a choice. I always taught abstinence as the one and only 100 percent foolproof way of avoiding pregnancy and disease. Sex education is NOT sex invitation; it is giving necessary information to people of any age so that they can make informed choices. Ignorance is not going to prevent pregnancy/disease. Knowledge might do so and should certainly help people make good decisions. The best deterrent of unwanted pregnancy is having the correct information and the sense of personal worth to make the proper decision. — Helga S., Long Island, N.Y. DEAR HELGA: The only way I can add to your educated advice is to offer my ... SEXUAL BILL OF RIGHTS. At no charge, on parchment suitable for framing. For your copy, kindly write to me in care of this newspaper. Tuck into your letter a stamped, self-addressed LONG envelope. The theme? The unmarried have a right to refuse the sexual coercion prevalent in their dating world. This manifesto details the alternatives that single men and women have (but often overlook) that will satisfy their longing for love and affection while maintaining their self-respect. Coercion of any kind is wrong, but the sexual form is most venal because it produces shame and guilt and, worse, self-loathing. By the way, you can request your own copy of my "Declaration of Undependence" at the same time. It is also available at no cost and is printed on parchment, ready to be framed. My gratitude to you, dear Helga, for your valuable contribution to an issue that needs much more factual information! OPEN LETTER. There is a New York City organization doing great work for the homeless and the needy. A kind reader sent word about it, and I pass it on to you in this new year of good works. New York Cares (http://www.NewYorkCares.org) volunteers staff more than 100 different projects. Most of them are young, socially committed and caring. The reader has met some wonderful people there. In her words, "It has proven to be a very rewarding experience for me, both personally and socially, and I highly recommend it." Words of experience worth listening to, no? And if you don't live in or near New York, look for a similar group doing the same kind of helping work in your neck of the woods.
DEAR SUSAN: A female reader recently told you that reader "Single by Choice" is unmarried because he's bitter and women don't like bitterness. Excuse me? Women go out with liars, cheaters, abusers and even criminals, so a bad attitude wouldn't turn a woman away if she found the guy mysterious or in some way beneficial to her life. Actually, she's got it backward. He's not single because he's bitter; he BECAME bitter BECAUSE he's still single. Do you think this guy was born pessimistic and angry at women? I'm sure he was friendly, chivalrous and hopeful, but after years of being ignored or mistreated because he wasn't tall, handsome or rich enough and watching women (who CLAIM to want nice guys) fall for users, liars and jerks, he BECAME bitter. Your reader conveniently ignored what MADE him the way he is, because she didn't want to accept that he feels the way he does because women do not want what they say they want. Women, be honest and say, "I want a tall, physically attractive man who makes enough money for me to live a comfortable life ... and who is also nice." "Nice" is lower on the list, so admit it. — Jeremy J., Portland, Ore. DEAR READERS: You just read a vintage letter, printed a while ago, that practically begs to be reread. More than once. By men, yes, who can equate niceness with a boring manner, who have little to say of interest and who — when turned down for a second date — blame women for being two-faced and not really wanting nice people by their side. The truth is niceness is a wonderful quality — to build on — but it's not enough. Interesting conversation, personal opinions and interests, good friendships to share — all of those make a companion good to be with. Bland does not equate with nice and vice versa. Yet too many men think being nice is enough. Well, it ain't. You heard it here eons ago, and I'm still hoping men wake up. As for women, well, they can bring out the personality in a nice man, the part that's hiding from fear of rejection. How about it; can we meet somewhere in the middle and enjoy each other's goodness? I say we can. And should. Write to Susan Deitz in care of this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2010 CREATORS.COM
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