Single File by Susan Deitz

DEAR SUSAN: You give very motivating advice in your column, but my problem is unusual. I very recently met a girl from Russia who answered my personal ad on a Russian dating Web site. She sent me her pictures, and we e-mail daily. Unfortunately, she has no telephone, so there's no way to call her. Now comes the problem. After three weeks of knowing each other, she asked me for $500 to go toward her plane ticket, passport and visa to come to America.

I'm a very levelheaded guy, and even though she says she makes only $90 a month and lives with her mother, the situation is starting to make me wonder. What do you think the best move is? — Burt J., Long Island, N.Y.

DEAR BURT: The best move? Back off, as fast and as far away as your moccasins will carry you. Tell her that your long-lost auntie died in Singapore and that you need to go away. Sign off once and for all. Posthaste. And in a few weeks, for the fun of it, log on to that same site and see whether she isn't there, peddling her wares online to some other American bachelor. You yourself have a bad feeling about this probable scam, so do yourself a BIG favor and listen to your gut. You'll be saving yourself all sorts of complications, not to mention the money she's asking for. (If she's not back online gushing words of love to some other unsuspecting all-American male, I'll eat my print cartridge. The color one.) Why, oh, why does an eligible like you get himself tangled up in international folly? Why would you sponsor a young girl whom you know only electronically — and who would say anything you'd like to hear to get to this promised land! Why wouldn't you surf online interest sites instead of dating sites? Why would you gravitate to sites that attract the needy, the desperate, the romantically challenged? Oh, I've got questions, lots of 'em.

Why would you even entertain the notion of Russian roulette? Case closed.

ALTERNATIVES TO MARRIAGE PROJECT. This is an invitation to join the only group I know of that is doing good things for the unmarried. Not social events where we wear smiling faces (and frozen smile muscles) but meetings with real agendas, such as law reform. That may not sound sexy, but take it from me (I hosted a fundraiser for them); there are lots of attractive people coming to meetings. Eligibles who are doing something more than bemoaning their aloneness, out there with people who are making things happen (ahem). What do they actually DO? Well, to quote from their recent letter:

"We don't bombard you with email. We do send a thought-provoking newsletter, pack tons of useful information into our website (now linked to "Single File"), and push the media to expose singlism and marital status discrimination. … Members … have asked us to focus on health care. We're committed to educating hundreds of decision-makers about why your relationship status shouldn't affect your access to health care, and how to make health care more accessible to everyone.

"Government officials are now more open to change than they have been in years. This is the best possible time to tell them about the reality of your life. AtMP is your megaphone."

If you trust me, you can trust them. They're doing good work. You can contact them at http://www.unmarried.org/SupportAtMP.

Write to Susan Deitz in care of this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com.

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