Recently
Toxic Confusion
DEAR SUSAN: Just recently, I told a female friend my true feelings about her. She said she wished I hadn't because she's seeing someone. Now I'm confused. Does she wish I didn't tell her because it could cause a problem with her current relationship …Read more.
Skin-Deep Romance
DEAR SUSAN: After a 15-year marriage, I'm dating again. The man is good-looking and sincere and has a great sense of humor. But in his youth, he was into motorcycling and drinking (he's 47), and he has tattoos that almost cover his arms. He's gentle …Read more.
Forward March!
DEAR SUSAN: I know this is the 21st century, but my roots are in the 1950s, and dating etiquette has me stymied. I just spent the weekend with a friend who is becoming more than a friend, and that's the dilemma. Distance keeps us from seeing each …Read more.
Fears and Habit
DEAR SUSAN: I know a thing or two about dead-end relationships. I dated a woman for 10 years who loved and needed me but wouldn't marry. It got to the point where I finally decided the relationship was holding me back in life, mostly because of my …Read more.
more articles
|
Raise Another Family?DEAR SUSAN: I'm a single mom of two great boys, ages 8 and 10. I made the mistake of marrying a younger man, and I don't want that again because my sons need a father figure and a younger man can't be one. The trouble is that men my age (40) don't want to "raise another family" and lose interest when they hear my children's ages. Is there any hope? — Cornelia G., Long Island, N.Y. DEAR CORNELIA: More than enough, dear Cornelia, for a family of three! You won't make another deficient marriage because the father of your two boys lacked the fatherly instinct they need — not because he was too young. (Age has little to do with nurturing instincts.) So let's knock that gem of illogic out of the box and move on to the next: the reluctance of some men (not all) to take on the role/job of fathering a young 'un who isn't his own flesh and blood. You only need one good man, Cornelia, fit and more than willing to move his size 10s into the bedroom closet and lovingly raise the sons of his beloved. It takes only one man — the right sort — to see beyond DNA and other extraneous facts to the goodness of the little family he has joined. He can be older than you specify or younger; train yourself to disregard the numbers and look into his heart the way your sons will. They will feel his warmth and his willingness to relate on their level, to be their teacher — and to learn from them. Don't choose by the numbers; take your time and choose a whole person, a man who can be your mate and your sons' nurturer. Until he steps into your lives, choose positive role models for them — camp counselors, religious teachers, basketball coaches, etc. Have PTA meetings at home. Get to know their teachers, their friends, the people who influence their minds. Be an activist mom; they will appreciate your keen interest in their lives. And when the time is right, you'll meet the man for all seasons. It's inevitable. DEAR SUSAN: I've known a woman for a couple of years. Recently we started to become closer. I've played Mr. Nice Guy all my life and feel that I should respect her feelings, but maybe I should be more assertive. Maybe I should kiss her and let her know we have a good thing that doesn't come along every day. Not to sound selfish — because I do care for her — but shouldn't I take into account what I need for a change? — Jonathan J., Santa Rosa, Calif. DEAR JONATHAN: Self-interest is quite different from selfishness. That said, it may be time for you to sit back and cogitate a bit before declaring undying love. Are you ready for such a complicated relationship? This is no minor snag we're discussing; this "stumbling block" has tripped up countless relationships and caused terrible pain. And while your fair lady is edging toward her unexplored curiosity's fulfillment, are you supposed to sit and wait with bated breath? I think not. This is dangerous territory you're considering entering, dear Jonathan, and I, for one, have great trepidation. Yes, you are indeed deserving of fulfillment, of having your needs met by this wonderful woman. BUT will you always be wondering where she is and what she's doing — and with whom? Will you always be questioning your own ability to please her, physically and emotionally? How will it feel to share your beloved with faceless women? I see this relationship eroding your self-confidence, making you feel that you never measure up. This stumbling block could be a deal breaker. Move very, very slowly. Write to Susan Deitz in care of this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS.COM
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
