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Interplay
DEAR SUSAN: No disrespect intended, but as a happily married woman, I have a take on fellow blogger J's situation: J, I've seen many of your posts, and in my eyes, you sound entitled and desperate. You constantly make references to …Read more.
Single Land
DEAR SUSAN: One of my fellow bloggers still seems a bit upset that he hasn't found a keeper yet. Well, I was in the same position he is. In fact, I have been in "single land" since 2007 and most likely will be for the rest of my time. But …Read more.
Digging
DEAR SUSAN: My definition of singlehood is not having a significant other. I'm reminded of my own singleness every day when I see couples together — contrasted with the way singles are treated. I personally have no desire to stay unmarried. …Read more.
Common Cause
DEAR SUSAN: I find that most angry/bitter single people are that way because they are trying to date "up" instead of looking for someone who has more in common with them financially and in terms of appearance and fitness. Think about it! …Read more.
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Missing Something?DEAR SUSAN: What do I think I'm missing by not being married? The approval of prejudiced people who think marrieds are better. They don't say that openly, of course; it's just something they don't think about at all — a knee-jerk reaction. But the assumptions are there, not even challenged: "Married people are more stable, more respectable." (How many people who are single get elected to high political office? How did people treat former California Gov. Jerry Brown?) "Marrieds with children should get time off from work while singles do the overtime. (We know who has responsibility and a life and who doesn't.)" Childless and single people are "selfish" and "loose cannons" or "unstable" or "unhappy" or "less reliable" or "less involved with the community." That last one is a crock (actually, they all are!) and almost the opposite of fact, as marrieds and breeders cocoon in their homes while singles are doing beach cleanup or serving free meals. Another assumption is that singles are trying to get UNsingle as quickly as possible. I even see plenty of that in your column, Susan. But those aren't MY prejudices. I'm never-married. Still, I see people's assumptions in their looks, words and actions. Notice I didn't say anything about missing a good life because I never have married. Notice I didn't even put gender on it, even though cultural and single bigotries condemn certain gender and age-group combinations: "Younger women are after one thing; older women have too much baggage; younger men are gay bachelors; older men are just plain gay." The one thing my life is missing? Escape from people's bigotry. — Gabe D., Long Island, N.Y. DEAR GABE: Yes, prejudice still lives (plenty of it!). Small minds still cling to antiquated views — and definitely not only of single people, as you've noticed. It's possible that thinking small (and in the past) gives security in an instantly changing world, and with it comes a phony sense of self-righteousness that inhabits withered egos. That said, Gabe, look how far we've come despite the myths around us, from the Jerry Brown days to former New York Mayor Ed Koch (bachelor) to members of Congress who were divorced but re-elected.
DEAR SUSAN: I've got to stand up for "Name Withheld" and agree 100 percent with his comments about how a good man is hard to find. With all the misandry out there, none of us should be surprised that more than a few women tend to feel that men are worthless. I've told you this a zillion times. And for you to actually write that "any woman worth her lip gloss knows that a good man is hard to find" is, I hope, just a grievous slip of your pen. — "Single by Choice," New York City DEAR "SINGLE BY CHOICE": Buddies from way back, you and I. Your letters are always welcomed, usually printed complete and in your own words. So you know I'm not a male-basher or a man-hater. Far from it. I'm the columnist who believes men are the true romantics and can, at times, be better mothers. (I'm still recovering from the wounds!) I'm the same Susan Deitz who's been accused of secretly being a man, hiding behind a pen name. It's my book that suggests women leave the room when male-bashing is the agenda. In the same book, I draw a plan for women to get to know men as friends because they're neither alien nor foe. SBC (if I may call you that), I'm aware of hostility out there, anger and fear and rage over missteps and misunderstandings that pass for relationship. I see quiet glances exchanged, eyebrows raised in silence. So many words unspoken, so many chances for reconciliation passed over. What is it that women are or are not doing that inflames men so? What is your reading of the female attitude? Has she been so rudely treated — or is she so angry for past oppressions of her mother's generation and beyond — that she cannot melt and retain her womanliness in a man's company? By the way, the second half of your letter is coming up. A matter of space, nothing more. Write to Susan Deitz in care of this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS.COM
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