DEAR SUSAN: We men have learned at least one thing from the feminist: When you hear negative stereotypes about your own gender, leave quickly. I believe that one of the "types" men have had to deal with is the less-than-attractive gal who wants to be treated the same way attractive girls are treated. Many women treat men poorly and then, when they aren't asked out, push the blame away from themselves. They just don't get that male rejection has nothing to do with face or figure; it's all about the anti-male remarks that women think they get away with, remarks such as, "Men have been doing this anti-female talk for centuries. Now it's our turn." Nobody, man or woman, ever built a good relationship that way. I'm with you, Susan: Make love, not war. Love starts with like. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Why is it that no lovely female — a brainy, liberal type — has discovered the inner cave man in your man cave?! Your letters — no, your thoughts — are so meaty, so on target, so real that I shake my blond head whenever they reach my desk and, smiling broadly, wonder why you're still on the open market. I know you're a veteran of the wars. (Which one doesn't really matter. They're all awful and unnecessary.) Love does, indeed, start with liking — and the liking, first of all, is liking oneself. Oh, it's so simple, yet it involves so many complications (lace handkerchief open, dabbing at eyes). But back to business: Love does, indeed, begin with liking, and liking starts with liking oneself. Seems to me I've said that before, but this time, let's emphasize it. Until you come to terms with — and know intimately, with friendship and respect — the unique personhood you carry around, you can't be a love magnet. Think about it, hard and often.

DEAR SUSAN: I need your advice regarding a dating encounter I had recently. I reconnected with a man I knew for four years in our past, many years ago, when I was attending college. We went out this summer and spent the day in wine country, and then the problems began. He griped the whole day at the thought of spending $1 to taste the wine and having to treat me. (Keep in mind he asked me out!) Then a few days before New Year's, he came to New York and asked me out for dinner and the theater. As soon as I accepted, he emailed me and stated that we'd go Dutch. I declined. Another email came, saying that now he knows I'm all about the money. He accused me of running "hot and cold." (To that, I answered graciously that our expectations are clearly different. Period.) What do you think, Susan? — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Come now. Surely, you don't need my approval to end this nonevent as you did. In fact, I can't help but wonder why you didn't get the hint early on, when he was grousing at having to pay $1 for you to taste wine. You should have gotten the hint and walked out at that point. It was such a waste of all those good hours in which you could have been doing something enjoyable, such as walking or hiking or curling up with a good book. Seems to me you must have been itching to leave much earlier than when you did. But I forgive you for that wastage, provided you don't make the same mistake again. And don't worry about being gracious when you announce your departure; this type of lowlife doesn't notice anything but dollar signs. So sad. Oh, so sad. The wasted time, I mean. Promise me: Never again.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected].