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Toxic Confusion
DEAR SUSAN: Just recently, I told a female friend my true feelings about her. She said she wished I hadn't because she's seeing someone. Now I'm confused. Does she wish I didn't tell her because it could cause a problem with her current relationship …Read more.
Skin-Deep Romance
DEAR SUSAN: After a 15-year marriage, I'm dating again. The man is good-looking and sincere and has a great sense of humor. But in his youth, he was into motorcycling and drinking (he's 47), and he has tattoos that almost cover his arms. He's gentle …Read more.
Forward March!
DEAR SUSAN: I know this is the 21st century, but my roots are in the 1950s, and dating etiquette has me stymied. I just spent the weekend with a friend who is becoming more than a friend, and that's the dilemma. Distance keeps us from seeing each …Read more.
Fears and Habit
DEAR SUSAN: I know a thing or two about dead-end relationships. I dated a woman for 10 years who loved and needed me but wouldn't marry. It got to the point where I finally decided the relationship was holding me back in life, mostly because of my …Read more.
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Keep It Light"She makes me laugh." "Just being with him is fun." It's more than possible that the same person who makes you smile has soul mate potential. Let that thought percolate for a while and my hunch is you'll be nodding in agreement pretty soon, after it sinks in. After all, it's entirely possible that shared laughter — finding the same things funny — is a common denominator for long-term partnership. (Not the only one, of course, but a similar worldview might be something to consider — more than once.) As human connection goes, that kind of harmony is nothing to laugh at (couldn't resist the pun). It's another dimension of the compatibility that becomes relationship glue. When you can laugh with each other — at personal upsets, at life's zingers — there's not much that can come between you. Mind you, this sort of humor is a world apart from contrived one-liners on Comedy Central. Incidentally, the subject of one-liners brings me back to a years-ago brunch intended to introduce a potential beau of mine to my brother and sister-in-law, but which turned into an overlong captivity. We became mute, glassy-eyed hostages as this fellow droned a list of stale and tasteless jokes, a monotone stream of pointless humor. It was, no doubt, meant to ease the awkward moments at this meeting of strangers — an insight that came to me later. The point? A good laugh — shared, if at all possible — is a powerful thing, an asset not to be dismissed out of hand, but to be considered thoughtfully. The ability to take a step back from life's trials and tribulations and give a loud belly laugh at the absurdity of it all is perhaps the sexiest of attributes. (An informal poll taken in this column ranked sense of humor at the very top of the list of desirables by both sexes. Think about that, will you, when next you have trouble choosing between a gray and blue tie or a black and green dress.) That Other next to you cares less (much) about your attire than about your pleasant expression. That goes for both sexes, all ages, all stages. Good humor rocks. Yes, indeed. When the chips are down and the truth must out, it isn't female prettiness and curves or male height and income that sway the mind (though they do add to the general impression); it's the ability to take a step back from reality and guffaw. Not at the other person or anything about the other person, of course — not small-minded ridicule or sharp-tongued criticism — but at the joke that is surely at the center of the universe. Write to Susan Deitz in care of this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS.COM
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