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Interplay
DEAR SUSAN: No disrespect intended, but as a happily married woman, I have a take on fellow blogger J's situation: J, I've seen many of your posts, and in my eyes, you sound entitled and desperate. You constantly make references to …Read more.
Single Land
DEAR SUSAN: One of my fellow bloggers still seems a bit upset that he hasn't found a keeper yet. Well, I was in the same position he is. In fact, I have been in "single land" since 2007 and most likely will be for the rest of my time. But …Read more.
Digging
DEAR SUSAN: My definition of singlehood is not having a significant other. I'm reminded of my own singleness every day when I see couples together — contrasted with the way singles are treated. I personally have no desire to stay unmarried. …Read more.
Common Cause
DEAR SUSAN: I find that most angry/bitter single people are that way because they are trying to date "up" instead of looking for someone who has more in common with them financially and in terms of appearance and fitness. Think about it! …Read more.
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It's TimeDEAR SUSAN: Lately, my live-in boyfriend has been taking me for granted. He doesn't call when he's not coming home, and when he does call, he doesn't say where he's calling from. I suspect he's seeing another woman, but I have no proof. And when I try to talk to him about the situation, he just says he's very busy at work and cuts me off. This past month, he hasn't been home one weekend. — Becca S., Long Island, N.Y. DEAR BECCA: Proof? You have suspicions but no proof? Every weekend he's away is proof enough; every time he neglects to tell you where he is (and with whom) is proof. At least, it would be proof enough for someone unafraid to face up to the stark truth. He's lost interest in you, a relationship with you, sharing a home with you. Hurtful words to hear, hurtful even to pen, but they must see the light of day. All the proof you need is staring you in the face every morning that he's not with you. The trouble is, dear Becca, that you are in denial — deep denial, the worst kind of willful ignorance. But here I come to the rescue. I can't save you, but at least I can warn you about the enormous shock that's coming, when he packs your bags and has a car waiting to take you away. And that's the crux of the problem here. You need a strong backup strategy for the what-if that's probably upwind. Right now, through your tears and hurt feelings, dial your folks, a close buddy, a relative. Spill the beans, and make plans together. The worst thing you can do is wait. And wait. And cry yourself to sleep each weekend while he's living his other life and feeling confident you'll be there to open the door when he feels like coming to the place only you call home. Make the calls, pack up, and git. Today. DEAR SUSAN: I'm 40 but appear to be closer to 30, which should be great, but it isn't. That's because only men that age ask me out. And usually, sex is the first thing out of their mouths. I hate that.
DEAR SUE: You've come to the bar-hatingest person in singleworld! Except for the neighborhood tavern, where locals know one another by name, bars (in my not-so-humble opinion) have a nasty way of bringing out the worst in people — virtual hothouses for the practiced opening line — and discouraging sincerity. It's a rough-and-tumble setting for conversation of any worth; best to avoid the scene altogether. And for a woman who looks 30 but has children nearly that age, disclosure is predictably doomed. Better to mingle in appropriate settings, where the facts align with expectations. And where good conversation is prized. I hope you get my drift. There are times when looking much younger is an obstacle to getting what you want. Think about it. DEAR SUSAN: I am divorced, am 27 and haven't dated in a year. But recently I've become pretty good friends with a very nice man. It's clear that both of us are considering an intimate relationship, but I seem to be considering it a little more than he is. What can I do to make this happen? I haven't really been around male company in a while, and I don't know how to act or what to say. He makes me feel as if I'm 16 again. — Dana W., Cherry Hill, N.J. DEAR DANA: You're asking the queen of patience! My best advice is to mimic a turtle's pace, the slower the better. Far better to anticipate, to dream and to wait than to rush in and find yourself beside a total stranger. This man — a "pretty good" friend, in your words — is less eager than you for many reasons. We don't know them all, but it's a pretty fair guess that one of them is a very real fear of damaging this very good chemistry by rushing. Dana, whatever your age, keep in mind that time is on your side. You can't ruin a good thing by waiting. If it's real, the bond between you will only deepen. Be a wise woman and wait. Write to Susan Deitz in care of this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS.COM
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