Single File from Creators Syndicate

Dating Services for 09/16/2009

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: I recently answered a questionnaire from a local "singles club," which claims it can match you with someone of the opposite sex using your answers to the questionnaire. I've committed to an interview but haven't put down any money yet. Are these services OK, or are they just big rip-offs? — Tim H., Long Island, N.Y.

DEAR TIM: Hard to say. Chances are small tha ...

Updated: Wed Sep 16, 2009

Wider Horizons for 09/18/2009

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: I've been divorced for 10 years but haven't dated since 2003. I haven't had any offers other than for affairs, and I don't want that. I have one child and am not bad-looking. The problem is the men in the church singles group I belong to seem to be interested only in the young Barbie dolls. Help! — Lucille L., Long Island, N.Y.

DEAR LUCILLE: So what else is new?! Men se ...

Updated: Fri Sep 18, 2009

Too Serious, Too Soon for 09/23/2009

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: I'm 29, and I never have been married. I'm considering using the personal ad column. But I'm afraid that if I say what I really want, which is to make a real connection and get to know what makes someone tick, I won't get any responses. Most divorced women I meet aren't ready for the commitment and sincerity I long for. Plus, it's not easy to find many women my age who haven't alrea ...

Updated: Wed Sep 23, 2009

Double Jeopardy for 09/25/2009

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: I don't know how it happened, but now I'm dating two men. I never meant for anything serious to happen with either of them. But now I find I want to continue dating both of them. They don't know about each other, and I'm so afraid that if I do confess, I'll lose them both. Still, I can't decide between them. I told myself I'd never treat people like this, but here I sit. — Rit ...

Updated: Fri Sep 25, 2009

Men as Friends for 09/30/2009

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: I'm smart; I've been told I'm pretty; I'm talented; I'm creative. The problem? I'm shy. Not around everybody, mostly around men. And it certainly doesn't help that guys never speak to me. Why? And how can I overcome this shyness thing? — Sondra S., Long Island, N.Y.

DEAR SONDRA: This may come as a surprise, but your shyness stems from too much "I-ness" (transl ...

Updated: Wed Sep 30, 2009

Autonomy and Cookies for 10/02/2009

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700

There are some letters worth recalling for their innate wisdom. Consider this one from a New Yorker — male by gender, divorced by choice. He happened to be one of the 1,900 unmarried men and women who took part in my nationwide survey focused on sexuality and its spinoff issues. Along with his completed questionnaire came this:

"I'm recently divorced and happy to be. Now at le ...

Updated: Fri Oct 02, 2009

Cougar's Men-Oh-Pause for 10/07/2009

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: For 16 years, I was married to a younger man, who was 28 to my 38 when we first met. No one seemed to notice our age difference, but I found it harder and harder to age gracefully. I was also besieged with irrational jealousy. The reason I finally ended our marriage had far more to do with his financial ineptitude, slovenliness and inability to allow himself happiness than it did wi ...

Updated: Wed Oct 07, 2009

Intimacy and Sex for 10/09/2009

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: Thank you so much for your recent sensitive and comprehensive column on intimacy and sex. — Peter J., Long Island, N.Y.

DEAR PETER: Certain issues are so misunderstood, so contorted into weird and dangerous distortions that they deserve — no, absolutely demand — repeating again and again, in small and large words, in plain and sophisticated terms. In fact, t ...

Updated: Fri Oct 09, 2009

Life Lessons for 10/14/2009

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: I'm 24 and divorcing after five years of marriage. My wife left me with our two boys (she met someone else), and I'm single for the first time in a long time. I've had chances to go out, but I just can't seem to follow through. Every time I think about my wife, I lose all desire to be with a woman. She was my first love, and lonely as I am, her memory is too strong. — Cliff C. ...

Updated: Wed Oct 14, 2009

The Question for 10/16/2009

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: How can a guy spend his life with just one woman? I'm not a great lover or very handsome, but I've always been able to find women who like me. Trouble is I've got a habit of getting involved with women who are unhappy, and that takes me away from my goal of having one partner. Still, I'm getting to the age that I want a wife and kids, and I don't want to be unfaithful. So I ask you ...

Updated: Fri Oct 16, 2009

Is It Me or Them? for 10/21/2009

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: I'm a young guy having a hard time finding a lasting relationship. I meet someone nice, and she's gone in a month. I consider myself a nice guy — but one who doesn't say much. I see myself as a romantic — opening doors, sending flowers and gifts, doing things with passion. I'm sensitive; I cry when in sad movies and when I'm touched by a song. Is it me or them? — E ...

Updated: Wed Oct 21, 2009

Why Ask Me? for 10/23/2009

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: I met a very special lady and for weeks have been trying to start something between us. She's a single mother of two and very religious. (I don't share her religious beliefs.) I'm very independent, but she relies on her parents, friends and church. Should I continue to try, or should I forget her, knowing her church and family would never accept me? — Tommy C., Long Island, N. ...

Updated: Fri Oct 23, 2009

Tracking Device for 10/28/2009

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: My fiance is very personable and giving but is close friends with a married woman. I don't know the depth of their relationship or whether they've been physical, but I have my suspicions. (Of course, he denies everything and says it's all my imagination.) My family and friends don't believe him; they think I've lost it! I've often thought of having him followed, but what good would ...

Updated: Wed Oct 28, 2009

The Same Old Story (Myth) for 10/30/2009

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700

DEAR SUSAN: I hate to say it, but I think you're wrong this time. Nice guys really do finish last, and it has nothing to do with being wimpy. It seems women like to choose rats and then try to change them. They don't consider "nice guys" enough of a challenge. However, I won't change my nature just to get a date. — Wes B., Long Island, N.Y.

DEAR WES: Pulp fiction comes in ...

Updated: Fri Oct 30, 2009

Letting Go for 11/04/2009

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0800

The ongoing battle to hold on to our personhoods while in relationships takes a bit of doing, requiring self-confidence and self-awareness. But what about allowing your beloved to be an individual? What about having the maturity (hate the word) and wisdom (better one) to grant them — nay, encourage them to own — Texas-sized breathing space to be themselves? Risky business, that. We ...

Updated: Wed Nov 04, 2009

Raise Another Family? for 11/06/2009

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0800

DEAR SUSAN: I'm a single mom of two great boys, ages 8 and 10. I made the mistake of marrying a younger man, and I don't want that again because my sons need a father figure and a younger man can't be one. The trouble is that men my age (40) don't want to "raise another family" and lose interest when they hear my children's ages. Is there any hope? — Cornelia G., Long Island, N. ...

Updated: Fri Nov 06, 2009

Fears and Habit for 11/11/2009

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0800

DEAR SUSAN: I know a thing or two about dead-end relationships. I dated a woman for 10 years who loved and needed me but wouldn't marry. It got to the point where I finally decided the relationship was holding me back in life, mostly because of my fears. It was comfortable, but I wasn't happy; I didn't realize how unhappy I really was until I got out!

To those people in similar circumsta ...

Updated: Wed Nov 11, 2009

Forward March! for 11/13/2009

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0800

DEAR SUSAN: I know this is the 21st century, but my roots are in the 1950s, and dating etiquette has me stymied. I just spent the weekend with a friend who is becoming more than a friend, and that's the dilemma. Distance keeps us from seeing each other often, and phone calls are limited. How forward can a woman be without seeming aggressive? And how intimidated will a man be by phone calls and ...

Updated: Fri Nov 13, 2009

Skin-Deep Romance for 11/18/2009

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0800

DEAR SUSAN: After a 15-year marriage, I'm dating again. The man is good-looking and sincere and has a great sense of humor. But in his youth, he was into motorcycling and drinking (he's 47), and he has tattoos that almost cover his arms. He's gentle and treats me well, but I'm uneasy about his looks. He can't wear long sleeves all summer, and I do love the beach. Help! — Josie H., Long Is ...

Updated: Wed Nov 18, 2009

Toxic Confusion for 11/20/2009

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0800

DEAR SUSAN: Just recently, I told a female friend my true feelings about her. She said she wished I hadn't because she's seeing someone. Now I'm confused. Does she wish I didn't tell her because it could cause a problem with her current relationship or with me? I do value her friendship, and in the past, we always spoke openly and honestly. Lately, though, we haven't spoken much. — Jeremy ...

Updated: Fri Nov 20, 2009