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Maintaining Love
Dear John: If you find someone that you're attracted to is it at all possible that you can create a love between you by just working at it? Or is it more a matter of finding that one-and-only right person who has just the right magic to make it all …Read more.
Woman in Love With Best Friend
Dear John: I'm a 40-year-old woman, and my best friend is a male. "Craig" and I have been friends for three years. Lately, I have been having feelings for Craig that are more than just friendship. Is this normal? He is a man I have trusted …Read more.
Woman Afraid Friend Will Sleep With Her Brother
Dear John: My friend, "Jodi," recently ended a long-term relationship. Her boyfriend had no respect for her and often cheated on her. Needless to say, Jodi makes it a point to be checked out for STDs. She told me this in confidence, and …Read more.
Woman Ponders if She Should Pay
Dear John: I am going out with a lovely gentleman. He happily pays the bill whenever we go out. Sometimes I felt guilty because I'd like to share the expenses. Is it a good idea to bring the topic up? I feel it may ruin the attraction at this early …Read more.
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Zero Confidence Kills Woman's Dating LifeDear John: Last year I ended a long-term relationship. Since then, I've had trouble finding someone to share my life. I believe I'm having a confidence crisis. I look in the mirror and don't like what I see. I feel as if I am becoming an unhappy person. I'm afraid that the men who do interest me can sense this. What can I do to reverse these feelings and get on with my life?—Seeking Confidence in Kihei, Hawaii Dear Down: You need to take the time to heal some unresolved feelings. Reflect back on your past relationship: Do you still feel hurt or harbor resentment towards how it ended? Are you able to forgive your ex-partner and let go with forgiveness? By doing so, you will find a greater surge of satisfaction with yourself. In moving on, don't look for "the perfect person" or a marriage partner. Instead, promise yourself that you will not get committed in a relationship for at least six months. During that time, date lots of different men. This carefree approach will take away any concern of getting involved too soon and too deeply. Dear John: I'm a single mom, and I want to start dating, but my daughters seem very resistant to this idea. I'm concerned that if I bring a man into their lives, both he and they will not get along. It's been a long time since I've felt loved by a man, and it's something I need in my life. —Needing Advice, in Madison.
Dear Needing: In most cases, children do not process their feelings about a divorce until their parents start dating again. Feelings will then arise. Some will stem from jealousy of the role your new friend has in your life. Other feelings from the fear that he is meant to somehow "replace" their actual father. That said, however, does not change the fact that you should start dating again. Should you seek their approval? No. They may reject your choice, and even throw a tantrum or two. When this happens, don't threaten or raise your voice. Instead, listen to these feelings that have surfaced, but hold firm. If you rush an introduction, or attempt inclusive gatherings before either your new friend or your children are ready for it, they will indeed get on each other's nerves. Bide your time until your children have worked through their issues. Many times, prior to the introduction, describe to your children that your new friend "makes Mommy happy." Although the initial reaction may be rejection, remember: Your children want you to be happy. As they recognize that he is indeed a component in your fulfillment, they will gradually accept him as their friend, too. John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." Visit his website, http://www.marsvenus.com, for advice on dating, marriage, parenting, romance and workplace issues. Or e-mail him at comments@marsvenus.com. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2011 JOHN GRAY'S MARS VENUS ADVICE
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