Dear John: I am going out with a lovely gentleman. He happily pays the bill whenever we go out. Sometimes I felt guilty because I'd like to share the expenses. Is it a good idea to bring the topic up? I feel it may ruin the attraction at this early stage, but I'm not sure if he may think I am stingy or greedy. I'd appreciate any advice from you. — Covering My End, in New Orleans, La.

Dear Covering My End: To most men, paying a bill, opening a car door, and being especially attentive to your needs is part of the dating ritual. It's wonderful to express your appreciation, but understand that he wants to show you that he can provide for you by doing all these things. You might say it's a man's way of nurturing. Rather than offering to pay for the meal or the movie tickets, offer to make him a dinner at home or surprise him with a little gift and let him know that it is in appreciation for all the kindness that he has shown you. It sounds like you have a nice guy who wants to court you. Appreciate that and let him know that you do.

Dear John: I am 41 years old, and I've been in two very abusive marriages. I have been divorced from my last abuser for a year now. I have met a wonderful, sweet guy who I love very much, and he loves me very much and wants to marry me. However, I am skeptical of the relationship because of my abusive past. I'm always comparing this new love to my old ones because I don't want to get hurt again. How can I move on from my past and look at this new love as a new one and one that isn't going to hurt me? — Will It Work Out? In Syracuse, N.Y.

Dear Will it Work Out: Yes, it will work out — if you don't give up on yourself. Realizing this tendency to pull back based on your past experiences is just half the battle. It means that you are almost at the place where you can see beyond your hurt and recognize this relationship for what it truly is: an opportunity to love and be loved without getting hurt.

The other half of the battle is granting him an identity separate of the other men who have been in your life. To better convince yourself, on one side of a sheet of paper, make a checklist of all the abuse that you had previously experienced. Then, check off any similar tendencies that appear in your current relationship. From what you've written, that side of the page may very well end up blank. If that is the case, you've found a guy who will cherish you in the manner you deserve. And please, never doubt that, yes, you do deserve a loving relationship!

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." Visit his website, http://www.marsvenus.com, for advice on dating, marriage, parenting, romance and workplace issues. Or e-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.