Dear John, I have been with Adam for over three years. Our relationship runs hot and cold. We both have children from prior marriages, and we have set schedules with our spouses concerning the children, but sometimes that doesn't work.

For example, if Adam's son calls and asks if his dad can get him for the day, even if we have already made plans for just the two us, Adam will say yes to his son, despite the fact that our time together is already limited. His son is a great kid, and I don't mind spending time with him, but I would like to spend time with Adam alone.

Adam has pretty much said that his son comes first, and of course I understand this. He has also told me that he is going to be selfish about himself and his son, and I can always expect to come in second. I would very much like to save our relationship, but right now it hurts me that my emotional needs don't seem important to Adam. I have to talk to him about this, but he says he is sick and tired about talking about this same issue. He always seems to break promises. He always reminds me that he is not an affectionate person and this is who he is! —Looking for Hope in Jamestown, N.Y.

Dear Looking, Adam's made it quite clear that his first priorities are his children, and you say you've accepted this. Sure, the child can take advantage of this hold he has over his father, especially if his father refuses to set boundaries. By failing to do so, this will affect any current or future relationship Adam may have.

Right now, as it pertains to his relationship with you, this does not seem to concern Adam. You cannot move a relationship to a more committed level if both of you don't want to go there. Your choices: Learn to accept this, or find someone who can and will give you the time and attention you deserve.

Dear John, Having been one myself, I've always been attracted to poor artist types. Finally, I had enough of that lifestyle, and now I work nearly full-time as a teacher. The pay is OK, so I'm finally able to buy furniture, go away once in a while and save to one day buy a home.

You once said that, "you shouldn't hold a man's wallet against him, be it empty or full," I felt I had to write why that would be an issue in some relationships. You see, I've been willing to do what's necessary to have a family. Although every man I've been involved with wanted to have children, many were not in a financial situation for that to be possible. Before, I considered their future financial potential reason enough to stick it out, but, now that I am 37, I feel that the future is now. I don't need a man with golden pockets, but I do need one who has enough foresight and focus that his current income will provide a decent family life. I prefer modest consumer habits, but homes do cost something and so does raising children. I just want to speak up for the other side on this issue. —Money Matters in Bangor, Maine

Dear Money Matters, As we move through life, our personal priorities change — including what we look for in a mate. You are at a stage of life in which home and children are important.

You're right: If you are going to find someone who is of like-mind, you may have to look at men that are at the stage of life in which these, too, are their goals, and they have the finances to support it. You don't have to live like Van Gogh to appreciate and respect art.

Good luck in finding a guy who has it all: his financial bearings, the desire for children and an artist's sensibility. He's out there, and the more social settings you place yourself in, the better your chance will be of finding the right guy for the life you want to live.

2013 John Gray's Mars Venus Advice. Distributed by Creators Syndicate. John Gray is the author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus." If you have a question, write John in care of this newspaper, or by email at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous, and will be paraphrased.