Dear John: Why are men so attracted to other women, even when they appear to be happily married? Some of these on-the-side relationships last for years, but these men remain with their wives! They say they love and adore these other women, yet they don't leave their partners, and they stay in a marriage that is far from perfect. —Unhappily the Other Woman, in Beverly Hills, Calif.

Dear Other Woman: This age-old situation has been long studied producing numerous conclusions. Some behavioral scientists feel that men aren't as much programmed for fidelity as they are programmed for propagation. Some psychologists insist that unfaithful men are emulating their fathers' behavior. Of course, both women and men have affairs. Whether this is an innate impulse or it has an environmental or emotional root cause, most of us resist the impulse and strive to build solid monogamous relationships.

If a person has an affair once, more than likely, unless the reasons for the infidelity are addressed, and a commitment is made to work things out, the odds predict it will happen again. Rightly so, "the other woman," with whom a man may be involved in a deceitful extramarital relationship may fairly consider the fact that this double life may be repeated at some later date with her, even if by then he is in a supposedly committed relationship.

No partner, man or woman, spouse or significant other, should have to suffer with someone who hurts him or her in this fashion. I suggest that you deserve better. Exit this relationship so that you'll be more open to finding a partner who will love you and only you.

Dear John: I just recently started dating three years after the loss of my spouse. I'm wondering how to tell this nice man that I'm seeing that the thought of being intimate with someone is still very uncomfortable for me. After all, I've never been truly intimate with anyone besides my late husband! I don't want to lose what appears to be some much needed tenderness in my life. But I am nervous about this, and I am not sure how to approach this subject if the question arises! —At A Loss, in Green Bay, Wis.

Dear Loss: You should approach the issue as you've done here in your note: honestly, and with an open heart. If your friend has committed feelings for you, he will understand what you are saying and take his time. Sex between two consenting adults of any age is a beautiful and wonderful experience. Passion arises out of a desire to feel both an emotional and physical connection with someone we love. If he loves you, he will wait. If you love him, eventually you will move beyond any sense of hesitancy you feel, and rediscover the joy that intimacy offers.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." Visit his website, http://www.marsvenus.com, for advice on dating, marriage, parenting, romance and workplace issues. Or email him at [email protected]. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.