Dear John, I'm crazy in love with my guy. We've dated for 18 months. However, once when I came over to his house unexpectedly, I found him dressed in women's underwear: bra, panties, stockings and a garter — the whole nine yards! He laughed it off and said he was going to play a joke on a friend, but none of our friends mentioned it later. I recently found a bunch of women's panties in his dresser. —What Am I Getting Into? in Bergen, N.J.

Dear Getting Into, I'm sure your snooping was driven by your concerns, although it would have been better for you to just come right out and ask him. It's still not too late to put your concerns on the table. He will be more forthcoming if he feels that he is not being judged, so speak with love and compassion.

Your boyfriend may in fact have a compulsion known as cross-dressing. This is a human behavior that has gone on for thousands of years in virtually every society. Upon its discovery, a loved one may be riddled with fears: Does this mean he is gay or bisexual? Will he seek a cross gender operation in the future? Will this affect the respect of future children, or friends and family?

The most important question you must consider is this: How will this issue affect my love for him?

If in fact it repulses you and makes you greatly uncomfortable, then the relationship will flounder. However, if you understand his compulsion and see it as no threat to his feelings for you, the relationship will survive and possibly grow stronger based on this acceptance. Be honest and talk through all aspects of this issue. No one should commit to a shared life together with great uncertainty about her future.

Dear John, I am a 43-year-old divorced mother of two. I have had three unsuccessful one-sided relationships with younger men, the last one ending when he cheated on me with his former girlfriend. I'd like to know how to break this cycle. In almost every other aspect of my life, I'm extremely well adjusted, however, I was abused emotionally, and neglected and abandoned as a child. I continue to put myself in the position of masochistic relationships with the opposite sex. —Needing Help, in St. Paul, Minn.

Dear Needing Help,I truly believe that being able to identify your issue is more than half the battle. So the good news is that you are well on your way to overcoming this issue in your life. Your next step is to get the treatment you need and deserve. Childhood abuse can be devastating. Working with a therapist to overcome these issues is most often essential to a complete recovery. Now that you have started down this path, complete your journey by getting the answers that will allow you to move on with the rest of your life.

2013 John Gray's Mars Venus Advice. Distributed by Creators Syndicate. John Gray is the author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus." If you have a question, write John in care of this newspaper, or by email at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous, and will be paraphrased.